


The Heart That Beats For Her

by Danilynn87



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-22 16:22:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 43,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30041442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danilynn87/pseuds/Danilynn87
Summary: After impatiently waiting nine months on the organ donor list, Emma Swan finally receives the phone call she's been waiting for, but maybe this organ comes with a lot more than she ever thought imaginable?*Swanqueen AU
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills & Emma Swan, Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Comments: 18
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter 1

  
The rhythmic beeping has become a constant white noise that she hardly even recognizes anymore, but she knows the minute it stops, she will notice in a heartbeat and her world will flip upside down. Her mother's faint whispers are what really are grating on her nerves though, but she doesn't say a word, because it's all the older woman has right now.

She watches in complete concentration as her mother's fingers glide across the tiny beads in her hands. Her body never seeming so small and so frail as she hovers near her sister's bed, pleading with the man above to save her daughter's life.

And it takes everything in Zelena to keep her mouth shut. Yes, she and her sister were raised strict Catholics, how could they not be with a Puerto Rican father and a Sicilian mother? Regina was always the more compliant of the two, never really questioned the religion and attended mass without a complaint, but Zelena has had her doubts. Always pushed against the rules and the laws of religion, maybe that has to do with her own past. But, some things just didn't add up in her mind, because there were times she thought the rules contradicted themselves.

Yet, she still believed in some higher power.

And today, well, these past few days, she has surrendered to her family's beliefs and completely succumbed to the religion. She would never forgive herself if she didn't try everything in her power to save her baby sister's life.

Her crystal blue eyes are intently observing as her mother's finger slides to the last bead on the Rosary and she is already shifting forward in her seat, knowing she couldn't interrupt the prayer before. When the quietest of whispers silences from her mother's mouth, she opens hers.

"Mom, why don't you stretch your legs a little bit? Maybe go down to the cafeteria and have some tea. I'm sure dad could use some company," she meekly suggests, hoping her mother will take the bait because she swears the older woman's body is starting to curl in on itself from the amount of hours she has been rooted to that hospital chair, praying over her daughter's bed.

Besides, her father _could_ use the company. He refuses to leave the hospital, but he also refuses to enter Regina's room. He's too strong and proud of a man to show off his tears, well, that's at least what Zelena tells herself because she cannot stomach the thought of her father being so utterly heartbroken.

"I'm fine, my dear," her mother claims, but the rough, scratchy tone in her voice tells a completely different story.

"No, mother, you're not fine," Zelena firmly declares, gliding forward in her seat and leaning further into Regina's bed to stare down the stubborn old woman. "You are going to make yourself sick and you won't be any use to Regina if she-"

" _When_ , she wakes up," Cora strictly corrects, narrowing her eyes and easily snapping Zelena's mouth into submission.

"When she wakes up," she repeats, but her tone is flat and they both know her willpower to stay positive is slowly starting to fade.

Because the fact of the matter is, Regina has been lying there, lifeless, in a coma, for three days now and with each day that passes, her optimism fades and horrific images of a bleak future haunt her.

"Mom, please, go get some tea. I will be right here by her side. I won't leave her and I promise I will call you if something changes."

"I-"

"Go, mother," she firmly orders, leaving no room for argument and maybe Cora is simply exhausted and she can't truly think for herself anymore, because she does lift her bottom.

Zelena watches as Cora runs her fingertips down the left side of Regina's hairline, like she's attempting to make her more presentable, but avoiding the bandage covering most of Regina's right side. She smiles softly down upon her baby, her eyes misting as she leans forward and presses a gentle kiss to her left cheek, despite all the little scrapes marring Regina's face. Especially that one upon her lip that is so deep Zelena flinches every time she catches a glimpse of it.

"I will be right back."

"We will just wait here, nothing too important to see in the outside world today," Zelena attempts to joke and brighten up the mood, but she fails miserably.

Her mother simply nods, rounds the bed and then drops a kiss to the top of Zelena's head before she drags her heavy feet out the door. And the minute that door closes, she swears the walls are closing in on them as well. Very carefully, she reaches out and lightly trails her finger up Regina's forearm, so unsure where to touch from all the wires attached to her baby sister.

"Alright, sis, you did it, you finally pulled the ultimate prank on mommy dearest. After all her obnoxious hovering when we were children and worrying about the most ridiculous stuff, you finally showed her just how crazy she has been. It's time to wake up now," she softly whispers, her finger timid yet still methodically running up and down the only free spot Regina has to offer in the moment.

She tries not to really look at her sister, the image was already seared into her brain the first day she walked in and saw her sister's immobile body. She wishes that every time she closes her eyes she didn't see the red angry scrapes embedded into every inch of her sister's face, or the bandage that takes up half of the right side of her face. She wishes she could fall asleep at night, not seeing the tubes forced down her sister's throat or the cast her right arm is swallowed in.

"I need you to wake up now, you're the favorite prodigy child and I...I won't be able to take care of mom and dad without you. If you leave them, they will never recover. _I_ will never recovery if you leave me, sis. So, please Regina, please just wake up," she implores, slithering her index finger through the limp fingers before her.

But of course, Regina doesn't move, doesn't flinch, doesn't even breathe differently and Zelena suddenly hears that damn machine beeping louder than ever, even if it's still at its same redundant pace.

"Maybe you don't want to wake up. Maybe you already know the truth and you don't want to wake up," she whispers, the tears slowly trickling down her cheeks as she drops her forehead to the bed and finally prays harder than she has ever done before in her life.

~~~~~

Movie night. She's psyched. Yes, it's so sad that movie night is the most interesting thing going on in her life, but she's alive and that's all she really cares about at this moment. Every day is a blessing, borrowed time as most doctor's like to call it, but she hates that phrase, because why does she have to borrow time in life at thirty years old when people her age are just really starting to live life?

It's all very overwhelming and truthfully, depressing, and she already wasted so many years hating the world for being so cruel to her. Nowadays, she just smiles for every day she wakes up and is allowed to see life move around her.

"Mmm, carrots and a flick, best combination ever," she sarcastically quips, snapping a loud bite off the end of another baby carrot.

"Emma," her mom says in that voice that's a mix of a shocked gasp, like she just used profanity, combined with a sadness Emma spends most days pretending she doesn't see in those dark green eyes. "You know I'm just trying to watch your diet."

"I know, mom," she earnestly says, biting off another piece of carrot like Bugs Bunny himself.

"You wanna lick my popcorn?" Her dad whispers, sliding closer to her on the couch and offering the smallest little piece.

"You want me to lick a piece of popcorn and then what? You're gonna waste it and throw it away?"

Her father shrugs carelessly. "No, then I eat it."

"That's gross," she complains, shoving his hand away and curling further into the arm of the couch.

"I'm your dad, I've cleaned up your explosive poop diapers when you were a baby," he chuckles.

"Yeah, but you didn't lick it," she rebuttals.

"Okay, will you two please stop," Mary Margret exasperates as she falls into her husband's side on the other end of the couch. "You're both so disgusting at times. Besides the amount of salt on that popcorn is the reason she is staying away. She can't lick it, David."

David and Emma both turn their attention to each other and smirk before she bites into another carrot and he happily tosses a piece of popcorn into his mouth and Mary Margret rolls her eyes at the playful blondes.

"Alright, what movie did you pick out tonight?" Her dad questions, draping an arm around her mother.

And Emma pauses for a moment, becoming lost in another dark thought. Her parents are so sticky-sweet happy and amongst other things, this is what really makes her heart ache. For two separate reasons though. One, because they are high school sweethearts and every day they fall more in love and because of her and all her unnecessary baggage, they never tried for more children. And even though they smile sympathetically and hold each other close and tell Emma she is all they need, she knows it's a lie.

Now, reason number two as to why her heart aches when she sees her parents so in love, is because she longs for that type of intimacy, that type of love that she will only ever see in movies or read in books. It makes her heart feel heavy and her stomach feel sick knowing she will never experience love in her borrowed time on Earth.

"Emma? Honey, what's wrong?" Her mother's soothing voice rips through all those tormenting thoughts and jerks her back to the now.

"Oh, no, nothing, mom. How about we start the movie?" She suggests through that sunny disposition that always seems to light up a room, ever since she was the cutest little toddler with sunshine pigtails.

"No, sweetie, what's wrong? Are you feeling alright? Does your chest-"

"Mom, I'm fine. I promise. I wasn't at all admiring how you two are the cutest couple ever," she teases, reaching over her father's lap to snag the remote from her mother's clutches. "Now, Captain Marvel."

"Wait, Em, should we pull out a pillow and blanket for your mother, maybe a pacifier?" He muses, earning himself a nice elbow to his ribs. "Ow."

"It is not my fault that I fall asleep during every Marvel movie. It doesn't happen when I watch DC movies," Mary Margret defends and Emma tries really hard not to laugh at their little quarrel.

Emma has always been fascinated with comics and fairytales, anything to help her escape from the misery of the real world. And her parents were always so supportive and trying to keep up, so they could have something to bond over. Her mother has been team DC since the beginning while her father is team Marvel while she really doesn't care, whatever takes her mind off her home life.

"I think you're really going to like this one," Emma confidently states as she pushes play and cuddles into the side of the couch, with her bag of carrots and her favorite blanket draped across her legs.

And she's ready, ready to put behind all the doctors, all those what ifs and endless possibilities. She's ready to get lost in some fantasy world that will definitely make her laugh and make her heart feel so much lighter.

Except, her phone is ringing and just like always, her parents jump and her heart skips a beat and every single person in the room holds their breath. Like every damn time. Yet, this time, the number that appears is the one she dreams of. The one that she has been silently begging to call her for nine long months now.

With a trembling hand, she swipes her finger across the screen and lifts the device to her ear. Her eyes immediately flutter closed because she cannot possibly meet her parents' worried expressions right now and then she holds her breath. Her heart thumping anxiously for the verdict.

"Hello?"

"Hello, is this Emma Swan?"

"Y-Yes, this is she."

"Good evening, this is Sarah, from New York Presbyterian Hospital and we need you to come down right away, we have a heart for you."

And everything crashes into a brutal collision of emotions and she doesn't know what to think or do next, but there's something warm gliding down her face.

"I-" she chokes on her words, and she cannot even comprehend how violently her hand is shaking until her mother is catching the device as it slips from her ear.

_She has a heart._

Her vision blurs, but her dad is there, strong and comforting as he pulls her safely against his chest like he has done so many times before. Too many times before. She vaguely hears her mother's frantic agreeing to the receptionist who called her, but she definitely feels her father's lips lingering at the crown of her head.

"You got a heart, baby girl."

"I-I just..."

"Ems, what's wrong? This is a good thing. We have to stay optimistic. I know they will still need to do some tests when we get there to confirm the match and I know the recovery is going to be a slow and rough process, but honey, ten more years with us on this planet-"

"No, dad...it's just," she slowly extracts herself from his protective hold and uses her sleeves to wipe at the involuntary tears. "I'm thankful. I'm so so thankful," she vows, the tears refusing to stop the steady stream, "but to know...that in order for me to live, it had to come at the expense of someone else." She hiccups, trying so desperately to catch her breath, but she's struggling to find some clean oxygen, along with the words to convey how she's feeling because her mind is a cluttered mess of emotions at the moment. "I, god this is so silly, I never really even thought about this before, but it feels like I just lost someone. Is that crazy? God, it sounds insane, but I feel like I'm mourning someone and to know that now, I get their heart..." she shakes her head, the tears spilling down her cheeks over and over again without her consent.

"It's not crazy, Emma. That's empathy. You always had a heart of gold, but we need one made up of muscle for you to continue living."

She rolls her eyes at his lame dad joke, but then he's gripping her biceps and dipping down to meet her gaze and she says the one thing she swore she would never admit out loud to them. "I'm scared, dad. What if I don't make it through the surgery or what if my body rejects the heart."

"Ssshhhh," he coos just as Mary Margret ends the call and watches as he tugs their daughter into a protective hug. "Don't you worry about any of that."

"Emma, honey," and she feels her mother kneeling down beside her before she feels those warm hands wrapping hers up tightly. "You are young, you are strong. Look how long you have survived, constantly pushing further along than all those doctors said you would. You are going to be just fine, do you hear me? We are so lucky that they have found you a heart and I know you are too stubborn to allow this opportunity to just slip by."

"I know," she whispers, slowly easing her hands out from her mother's firm grasp just to wipe at her runny nose again. "I...I thought about this day countless times, for nine months I have been on that waiting list and...I don't know, I didn't expect for all these emotions to hit me all at once."

"I know, sweetie, and that's okay. You are human, you're allowed to feel, allowed to grieve during this time and yet be thankful. But honey, we really need to get down to the hospital. We have about a half an hour drive and you know they need time to do the tests to confirm that match."

"I know, I know," she murmurs, forcing herself to stand from the couch, but her entire body is trembling like she has never experienced before and she just wants to curl up into the fetal position and bawl her eyes out.

"We got you, honey," Mary Margret coos, wrapping her arm around Emma's shoulders and tugging her close against her warm embrace.

"Just like we always have," her dad says, slinging his arm around the other side of her body and escorting her toward the door.

And then everything happens in a rush and she can't explain what she feels, but she knows her body won't stop shaking because this is the moment. This is what her entire life has built up to. Every doctor, every test, every scan, every surgery, every failure has lead to this one moment.

Her heart failing.

And she finally has a donor.

Yet, this doesn't feel like a new beginning. There are still more obstacles to come and she's petrified that she might not wake up from surgery and she's even more horrified that if she does, her body might reject the heart.

And her parents were never religious, never even spoke to her about any type of belief, but today, well, maybe today is the day she silently prays to anyone who is listening that this heart brings her home.

_A/N: Hello everyone, this is my first time posting here, so please bear with me while I figure all of this out. I want to start off by saying this prompt found its way to me and when I read it, my heart skipped a beat and did a little dance and I knew I had to take this story on. So thank you to @TheQuietOne1993 for trusting me with this beautiful and delicate story. I dedicated so many hours to researching and pouring my heart to make sure I capture the truth. I hope you all enjoy this story._


	2. Chapter 2

  
Everything has felt rushed. From the moment they received the call for their daughter, someone pressed fast forward on their lives. And once they stepped foot into the hospital, everything slowed down immensely, to the point that everything that moved around them felt like slow motion.

Eight hours. The longest eight hours of their life as they waited for their daughter, begging and pleading to the universe for her to wake up. Eventually, her sleepy eyes peeled apart, and yes, she was frantic at first, disorientated, from what the nurse had described. She was also stubborn and trying to remove the tube down her throat, but eventually the nurse was able to calm her.

That was three days ago, and finally, _finally,_ David and Mary Margret are allowed to see their daughter. The doctor was very adamant with taking things slow with Emma's recovery due to her long history of complications. And neither David nor Mary Margret argued with him, because they are willing to do whatever need be to guarantee their daughter's safety and full recovery.

"Oh, honey, you look good," Mary Margret coos, stepping beside her bed with big watery eyes as she swoops a chunk of hair away from Emma's forehead. As if Emma has anyone to impress at the moment.

"Liar," she barely mumbles because her throat is still a little tender from the tube and her chest feels extra tight and truthfully, she's petrified to move or breathe wrong and cause more damage.

And it's not like this is her first surgery. She's a pro now actually. However, this is the one that counts, this is the one that is supposed to end all her misery and suffering and she refuses to screw anything up.

"No, really," her dad chimes in, grinning wildly behind his wife. "We were able to see you through the window the past two days, you were so pale, but now you got some color coming back into your cheeks," he vows, somehow beaming even wider.

"Good," she murmurs under her breath.

"Honey, you know it's good to start talking and moving around. I know it probably hurts or is uncomfortable, but the doctor wants you to try and work on it," her mother reminds her and because of course, that woman can always read her like an open book and knows exactly what she is thinking.

It drives Emma mad sometimes and other times it's her favorite thing in the world. Right now, it ticks her off because she is due for another dose of medicine soon and she's becoming agitated, uncomfortable and above all, cranky.

"I know, mom. The doctor has been going over his expectations of me quite often."

"How are your coughing exercises coming with the nurse? I know it's supposed to hurt, but-"

"Mary Margret," David softly whispers, placing his hand upon her shoulder to interrupt her rambling mouth. She means well, he knows she does and she's just worried about their baby, but he also knows Emma needs a distraction. "Ruby called, she wants to come down and visit with Neal. I told them that I think it's best if you don't have any visitors until you go home."

"Yeah, I don't want to risk anything," Emma's scratchy voice barely whispers before she winces.

Mary Margret immediately glances at the clock on the wall. "Your next dosage should be soon," she informs her, taking Emma's hand into her own and squeezing some reassurance.

"Good."

And that's all she says and she can see her mom and dad exchanging a worried look, and she knows deep in her soul that her monotone responses don't match her usual sunshine disposition, but she feels so utterly beatdown. Sure, it's most likely the exhaustion from such a long, grueling and major surgery and maybe her body is just struggling because it's not the first time her chest has been cracked open. However, in the back of her mind, she's stressing over the thought of her body rejecting this perfect heart because she knows, she won't be able to survive.

This is her last chance at life.

Luckily, there is a knock at the door to shred through all those tormenting thoughts haunting her mind.

"Sorry to interrupt, but Emma, it's time for a coughing exercise," the sweet nurse, Ashley, announces.

Something inside Emma involuntarily relaxes. Ashley has been her nurse since she was checked into the hospital and she has been by Emma's side since she woke up. The woman is so kind, so gentle and it calms all the anxious energy festering and slithering around inside of Emma's veins. She's already dreading the day this adorable young blonde has a day off.

"Okay," Emma barely mutters.

"Are you in a lot of pain?" Ashley investigates, stepping up to the computer next to Emma's bed and prompting David and Mary Margret to take their seats on the other side of their daughter.

"Kinda."

Ashley pauses, momentarily flicking her eyes over to read Emma's expression; from her scrunched up freckled nose to the frown that's more prominent than ever.

"I can give you something now for the pain, but first breathing and coughing exercises, alright?" Ashely attempts to sound like she's strict, but Emma smiles and nods along happily.

Ashley quickly types away on her computer before offering her undivided attention to Emma. She places a towel against the incision embedded deep into the middle of Emma's chest. An incision Emma has yet to even glance at because she feels queasy just thinking about it. The nurse slowly raises the bed into the sitting position and Emma flinches, already feeling a different kind of pressure in her chest.

"Breathe, Emma, don't hold your breath. I know it's easier said than done, right?" Ashley playfully says, rolling her big blue eyes dramatically, but it helps Emma relax, even if it is just the slightest. "Alright, ready?"

Emma places her hand over the towel, allowing Ashley to remove her own. It's been a few days now and she's starting to feel more in control, she _wants_ to feel more in control, so she holds the towel herself.

"Ten deep breaths in, don't hold back. Here we go," and Ashley takes a deep breath, encouraging Emma to follow along and mimic her power and timing in each breath.

Immediately, she feels her chest tightening, maybe even burning a little, forcing her face to screw together tightly, but she pushes through the pain. And with each breath she takes, they are becoming weaker, more tired, and strained, but she continues until she reaches ten.

"Now, deep cough, we don't want any mucus left behind," the nurse instructs, inspiring Emma to cough as hard as her lungs will allow against the heavy pressure. "Great, one more cough, okay?" Emma hardly nods, but she does give her best cough as Ashley grins back at her. "Good job, now, how about some powerful meds to knock you out for your reward?"

"Or I can fight the sleep and get really high," Emma teases and immediately regrets her joke because she ends up laughing and hating the pain that explodes through her chest and burns like spilled toxins throughout her blood.

"You could," Ashley muses, "or you could sleep and skip a few more hours of recovery."

"Touché," Emma murmurs.

Ashely chuckles, along with Emma's parents and then she disappears to retrieve those heavenly little pills.

~~~~

She hears faint whispers, as if there are two people off in a very far distance. She can't see them, in fact everything is an emptiness of pitch-black that sends her heart into a panic. She doesn't know why, but she knows something feels off in her heart, something is so terribly wrong and she feels the sensation explode in her chest and spill through her veins and infect her bloodstream like a poison.

She screams at herself to open her eyes, open her eyes and figure out what the hell is going on around her.

And then it happens. Her eyes slowly peel apart and it's a rough accomplishment, her eyelashes sticking together and her eyelids feeling heavier than she has ever experienced before. And then comes the pain. The excruciating pain throbbing in her temples and shrieking at her to slam her eyes back shut and stop all of the madness.

But she's always been a stubborn woman.

Every muscle in her body is spasming, violently trembling and it forces her to feel something lodged in her throat and she panics all the more. Her body jerks on reflex, attempting to run, but everything feels heavy and she's sure something is keeping her pinned into place.

"Regina? Regina, darling," it's her mother's voice and her eyes are expanding, frantically searching for that soothing voice and that's when her mother's face comes into view, above her. "Sweetheart, calm down. I need you to calm down, alright?"

She's so utterly confused. So damn lost in this world she woke up in and truthfully, she's not even certain that she is awake. Why is her mother hovering above her with watery eyes and a depressing smile that also resembles a frown? Why can't she move? Why is there something in her throat? And above all, why won't her head stop pounding?

"Honey, please try and relax. I am right here with you and your sister is here, but we need you to relax."

"Hey, sis." Petrified brown eyes flick to the right to discover an obscene amount of fiery curls. Her sister looks awful, almost worse than her mother and she has never seen those ringlets appear so disheveled before. "How was your nap?"

"Zelena," her mother sternly scolds her sister, but Regina is so damn clueless.

A nap? Did she fall? Did she slip and hit her head? She tries to recall the last thing she remembers, but everything feels like a foggy dream. She closes her eyes for a brief moment, desperately trying to even remember something as simple as what day it is. Except, she sees a smile instead. A smile so bright that it distracts her from her thoughts.

Her eyes blow wide open again and she doesn't even stop to acknowledge the thing wedged in her throat. "Naveen?" She mumbles around the tube and winces from the amount of pain that jolts through her body, but she has to know.

Where the hell is her husband?

"I know, honey," Cora sadly says, gathering up Regina's only free arm and lightly tapping the small space below her elbow.

The moment is interrupted though by a doctor who waltzes right up and smiles down upon her, but Regina doesn't miss the way her mother's eyes leaked a few too many tears. And there's that pressure in her chest again and that panic rising from within and tormenting every cell in her body.

"It's so nice to see you up," the doctor chuckles, quickly glancing at the monitor hanging above Regina's head.

Now, she knows she's in the hospital with her mother and sister, but she hasn't a clue as to why and she knows her father and husband are missing. So, she tells herself that her husband is off somewhere with her father, probably grabbing a cup of coffee and getting lost in their conversation about baseball.

Her eyes nervously glance around the room before dropping down to inspect her body. Her heart sinks when she notices a cast around her right arm. She squeezes her eyes shut again, desperately trying to recall what the hell could have happened?

And much to her disappointment, all her questions go unanswered because everything around her vanishes from existence.

~~~~

The next time Regina wakes up, the room is darker and it's just her sister sitting beside her.

"Ah, it's good to see those inquisitive eyes again," Zelena whispers, remaining seated to the chair beside Regina's bed.

And Regina is struggling to keep her eyes open. They feel so much heavier now and she's sure her sister is coming and going before her.

"Sleep, sis, I'm not going anywhere."

And she feels a kiss to her forearm before sleep sweeps her under yet again. She cannot find the strength to stay awake, but she knows her sister continues speaking to her as if her eyes are still wide open. She can't truly comprehend the words spoken, but it's comforting knowing that they are there, accompanied by Zelena's soft touch to her arm.

She wishes she could respond, she wishes she knew what was going on around her, but she seems stuck in some strange dreamland where everything is oddly white.

~~~~

She has been in and out of consciousness, that much she knows, she just isn't sure how many hours have passed her by. What she does know, is the doctor feels comfortable removing her tube since she has been breathing on her own and it only takes a moment for him to pull it out.

He asks her a few questions, some that she believes are quite ridiculous, like her name and birthday. After that he starts investigating her whereabouts and the last thing she remembers. She grows agitated rather quickly and she still feels tender and sore and after a few minutes, he suggests she rests. Not wanting to aggravate her any further. Much to her own disappointment, she falls asleep immediately with her mother holding her arm and her sister watching over her.

And she really wants to scream at them for answers, but her body is refusing to cooperate and she's starting to feel like a prisoner in her own body.

~~~~

The next time she wakes up, she does start to feel a little more coherent and is ready to have a civilized conversation because she has still yet to see her husband or father, and she hasn't a clue as to why she's in a hospital, she needs answers.

"You look good today, darling," her mother coos, brushing some hair away from her face like Regina might need to impress someone.

"Thanks?" And it's a question, no doubt, because her mind is still so foggy. "Now, mom, please, where is my husband? And why the hell am I here?" Her scratchy voice barely allows the words to be presented into the world and she winces from how broken her own voice sounds, nothing like the confident and controlled woman she usually portrays.

"Honey, you don't know why you are here? I just assumed it was all the pain medication knocking you out and making you loopy."

"Mother please," she exasperates, because she still feels exhausted and her entire body aches and she doesn't have time for games or her mother's rambling. "Stop. I need answers. Where is Naveen? Why isn't he here with me?"

"Okay, honey." Her mother slides her chair closer to her face. Ever so gently, she cups Regina's cheeks, so careful not to hurt her and peers so deep into her eyes that Regina actually feels her heart shrivel up in fear of what's to come. "I love you very much." Regina's entire face contorts into an expression mixed with pain and bewilderment. "Regina, you were in a car accident."

"What? I-" she's already shaking her head because she is sure she would remember being in a car accident. That's not possible. She has no recollection, not even a flicker of a memory. "No-"

"Regina, baby," her mother coos and right away Regina's heart jumps within its cavity in her chest because her mother has only ever called her _baby,_ when she was very sick as a child or when something is very bad. "Naveen was driving, you were on the expressway, ready to leave the city for vacation. You hit a patch of black ice," Cora pauses, her eyes swelling with thick tears that cannot be tamed before they dribble down her cheeks. But all Regina feels is panic, and somewhat empty inside and the need for her mother to continue. She _needs_ answers. "Your car spun out of control and you went through the guardrail. Your car flipped four times. I am so so sorry, my baby girl."

"Sorry about what, mother?" Regina sternly questions, her frantic eyes scanning all over her mother's face for a clue because none of this makes any sense to her. She doesn't even remember driving on the expressway with Naveen in recent memories.

"Darling, Naveen didn't make it."

"What?" She whispers disbelievingly, so cold and unattached to her emotions. "No, no. That-no," she suddenly snaps, her head violently shaking despite the pulsating in her temples. "You're wrong. There must be some kind of mistake. I don't even remember being in the car with him. I don't-" she pauses because the pain in her head is really starting to become overwhelming and she's feeling a bit queasy...but then she sees his smile.

She sees him sitting to her left, and the way he takes her hand and kisses her knuckles like he has done so many times before. He's grinning, like a little school boy, those teeth always shining so bright against his milk-chocolate skin tone. It always made her heart skip a beat. But then the image vanishes and she's struggling to remember when that moment took place.

She opens her mouth to argue with her mother, but this heavy weight crashes against her chest and she can't breathe. Her face scrunches up and she closes her mouth just to open it again and breathe, but she releases this ear-piercing shriek before a sob crackles in her chest and she belts out a cry of agony that has Cora lunging forward to hold her close.

"No, no!" She hysterically screams on the top of her lungs while her body tries to shove her mother away, yet pull her in close, all at the same time to stop the gut-wrenching pain from within.

"Ssshhhhh, I know, baby. I know," Cora coos, gently rocking her daughter to soothe her like she did so many years ago.

"No, he can't, mommy. No, there has to be...no!"

"I know, it's okay, honey, just let it all out."

"No, I can't," she bellows, shoving her mother away with all her anger bubbling up inside. "I can't do this. I can't live without him here. He is my world. I-no, please. God, please no."

"We are here for you," Cora vows, wrapping her daughter up again and holding her firmly against her chest. "Whatever you need, alright?" Her mother pulls back just the slightest to wipe the tears pouring down Regina's face and peer so deeply into those soaked brown eyes.

"No, no. Please, you have to bring him back. Please, go get him!"

And it's obvious Regina is in denial and suffering from a panic attack, so Cora reaches over the bed and hits the call button for the nurse, knowing her daughter needs some kind of sedative to calm her down.

"I want to see him! Please, go get him."

"Honey, I'm so so sorry, but that's not possible. It's been almost two weeks since the accident," Cora informs her as a nurse comes rushing in, just in time to witness another scream of agony that bounces off the walls and rattles their hearts.

"I'll go get her doctor," the nurse says before darting right out the door.

"Two weeks?" Regina shrieks, sobbing uncontrollably and clenching a fist impossibly tight around her mother's sweater.

"Yes, honey. You were in a coma for six days and then you had been in and out of consciousness for the past five days."

"Five days? I-I thought..." she hiccups, hopelessly gasping for air. "It was hours," she cries even harder, burying her face into her mother's chest and weeping for her husband she was never even able to say goodbye to.


	3. Chapter 3

  
"How is she?"

"She's...she's...struggling."

"It's been three days."

"She won't eat, she won't speak-"

"And your mother?"

"She just holds her close and allows her to cry." Zelena sadly explains, eyeing her father closely. "Dad, I-" and her voice cracks so roughly that his big brown eyes immediately snap up from the ground to meet her gaze. "I think you need to go see her now," she confesses, her eyes sparkling from the thick tears coating her piercing blue eyes.

Her father doesn't say a word. Instead, he presses his fist firmly against his mouth, averts his eyes to the ground again and nods just once. It's curt and emotionless and reminds Zelena so much of her damn sister, but she takes that as a yes. So, she spins around on her heels and leads the way back to Regina's room, her father's presence heavy in her shadow without another word spoken.

Zelena doesn't bother with knocking, she never did when they were little and she's certainly not going to start now. She waltzes right through the room, but her heart squeezes painfully from the gut-wrenching sobs pouring from her baby sister.

"Henry," Cora gasps the moment her eyes land upon her stoic husband closing the door behind himself.

He nods politely, his feet slowly shuffling closer, but it's so painfully obvious how apprehensive he is about seeing his daughter so utterly broken. Regina doesn't even bother looking up from the pillow her face is buried in, soaked from her persistent tears.

"Regina, I would like a word," he softly states, encouraging Cora to vacate her chair rather quickly.

Her mother presses a kiss to her temple and whispers her love before she escorts Zelena out the door. The moment Regina hears the door softly clicking shut, she decides to speak before her father has a chance.

"Daddy, please, I don't have it in me to talk about all of this," her distorted voice hardly escapes her throat before she buries her face even deeper and releases another agonizing cry that sounds like she's being ripped apart from the inside out.

"Regina, I'm not going to pretend to understand what you are going through and I'm not going to try and give some speech to cheer you up. I know nothing I can say will fix this, but sweetheart, you have to start trying to move forward in life. We need you to eat and to regain your strength, so you can get out of this bed, out of this hospital and go home."

"Go home? To what? A place that will only remind me of Naveen? Our home is filled with our love, with our memories. It will only be a prison where I'm forced every day to live with his ghost," she hysterically sobs, her body automatically curling up tight to alleviate the pain tormenting her from within.

And she can feel her father lingering closely before she hears him claim the seat her mother has been glued to for the entire time she has been shunned to that hospital bed. Very tentatively, her father reaches out and places his hand upon the left side of her face. He's warm, he always radiated heat and it seeps into her skin and somewhat settles down her spasming muscles.

"It doesn't have to be a prison, my dear," he gently whispers.

"I lost every-thing," she stutters through her heavy sobs that she no longer has any control over. "The love of my life. My happiness, my future. It was all ripped away in a blink of an eye, a blink that I can't even remember. My everything is gone, just like Naveen."

"You still have a future, Regina. I promise. You still have so much of your life ahead of you. I know it seems impossible now, but you can learn to love again."

"No, daddy," and she finally peeks out from her pillow, showing off her swollen, red-rimmed eyes that steals her father's breath away, because she _never_ cries in front of people. "I will _never_ love again and nobody will _ever_ love me the way Naveen did," she declares with conviction before she hides away her battered face once again and wails like an infant in search of comfort.

"You have too much love in your heart, sweetheart, not to love again. And so did Naveen. So much, that he wanted to gift his organs to someone in need."

This immediately stops all the tears and forces Regina to lift her pounding head back up again. Of course, she and Naveen had discussed becoming organ donors a very long time ago and what they would want if something should ever happen to them, but she has been so deep in mourning that she completely forgot about all of those details.

"D-did someone...did someone get his organs?" She stammers, inspiring her father to wipe away the tears clinging to her cheeks with a pout upon his face.

"His heart."

"What?" She breathlessly gasps, and for some peculiar reason, she feels her own organ fluttering in response.

"His parents came by to see you and they told us a young woman in need received his heart."

And for a split second, she feels the sense of relief wash over her like an old familiar blanket. Her mind immediately runs wild, and she knows she has to meet this woman. She wasn't granted the opportunity to say goodbye to her husband, but a part of him lives on inside of someone else and this is her chance.

This is her one chance to properly say goodbye to her husband.

"I need to find her."

~~~~~

She's observing from the couch, truthfully, she's kind of scared of her mother right now. Her mom is obsessively wiping down every surface in the living room, even though Emma knows she has already scrubbed everything clean yesterday before she came home from the hospital. But here Mary Margret is, in sweatpants and a baggie t-shirt with a bandana wrapped around her head, neurotically soaking the tables with disinfectant and wiping them clean.

"Mom, didn't you clean before I came home?" She questions through a wince as she tries to readjust her position on the couch.

Mary Margret instantly snaps her head up from the pain in her daughter's voice. "Honey, if you're in pain, just tell me. Don't try and be the hero and wait too long."

"I'm fine, mom. Really. Now answer my question."

"It's very important to make sure there isn't any dust in this house, it's not good for you. You know this."

"I also know you're gonna be the one in need of a new heart if you don't take some time to relax. You're running around like a crazy lady."

"I'm just being cautious. You just got home last night, honey. That's only two weeks post-operation and-"

"Breathe. You're making me stress."

"Am I?" Her mother squawks like a damn parrot. "Where is your journal? You need to record your emotions-"

"Oh my god!" She yells and flinches from the expansion in her chest that creates a sharp ache to explode through her body. She immediately coughs from the pressure and she briefly wonders if this can count as one of her daily coughing exercises?

"I'll get you some water."

"No, sit down and calm down," she grumbles before she inhales slowly, pressing a throw pillow against her chest to soothe the ache festering deep inside. "Mom, I know you're worried and I know you are just trying to make sure I'm safe, but you need to calm down."

Mary Margret stands awkwardly in the middle of the room, appearing so uncertain if she should hold her daughter close, continue cleaning or abandon it all to sit down and relax because Emma never snaps at her like that. However, she isn't granted much time to come to a conclusion because the front doorbell is ringing.

"I'll get it," her mother announces, setting the bottle of disinfectant down and rushing to the door.

Emma takes the moment of peace to regulate her breathing and squirm upon the couch until she feels a little more comfortable. She hears the front door open, followed by her mother gasping and she can only imagine how hard she is being squeezed.

"Ruby. Neal," her mother sighs, producing a small smile to play at Emma's lips.

She knew those two would show up almost immediately after she was released from the hospital. And she's so happy for the distraction, but for some reason her smile feels weak and she doesn't feel the rush of excitement like she is accustomed to feeling when her two best friends show up.

Subconsciously, she frowns.

"Em!" Ruby squeals, distracting her from her darkening thoughts.

"Hey, guys-what's with the masks?" She curiously questions the moment she sees both brunettes entering with matching doctor's masks.

Glowing green eyes roll and Emma does smirk from Ruby's annoyance. "M and M over here was very adamant about not spreading any germs around you."

"It's cool though. We don't mind," Neal quickly interjects and by the crinkles forming around his eyes, she knows he's grinning like a fool behind the mask.

"Just for the first eight weeks after surgery, we can't risk any infections, not even a cold," her mother sternly states, inspiring Neal to nod along while Ruby and Emma roll their eyes playfully as if they are the same little five-year-olds being scolded once again.

"Mom, why don't you go lie down. I can tell how exhausted you are."

"Yeah, we got Emma, no worries," Ruby confidently says, already shrugging out of her winter coat to make herself more comfortable for the stay. Even though this home has been her second home since they met all those years ago in kindergarten.

"Alright," her mother agrees, but the worry in her eyes never vanishes as she quietly leaves the living room, but she knows she's exhausted and could use a little nap.

"So, how you feeling, Ems?" Neal questions, slipping out of his jacket as well and settling down on the opposite end of the couch with Ruby.

"Sore. Weak. Tired. Standard stuff," she mumbles, shrugging one shoulder carelessly.

"How's the ticker? Feels stronger?" Ruby playfully questions, but Emma just shrugs in response. "Well, you look good, babe!" She enthusiastically compliments because she knows something is haunting her best friend's mind and she wants to distract her.

"Thanks."

"So, your dad is at work?" Neal swiftly changes the subject, sensing the dark storm cloud hovering over his best friend.

"Yeah, he's holding down the business while my mom stays home with me for the next two weeks."

Her parents are both veterinarians, running their own clinic in town. She's lucky that her mother has the option to stay at home with her during recovery. Her father might be a little swamped while her mother is away, but she knows they have plenty of staff that are willing to step up during this time.

"Emma, are you feeling alright?" Ruby gently investigates, the sincerity evident in her tone and squashing her playful side from moments ago.

"Yeah."

"You don't seem fine," Neal cautiously rebuttals.

"I am...it's just a lot to process, I guess."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Ruby carefully questions, leaning just a tad closer like she wants to reach out and hold her close, but is either petrified of hurting her or far worse, contaminating her.

"I know I'm so lucky, and I am really thankful, I just...I feel really down and I don't know," she sighs heavily, dropping her gaze to pick at the pillow against her abdomen. "I keep trying to be positive and I thought when I got out of the hospital I would feel better, but I don't."

"It has only been one day, not even," Neal tries to look on the bright side, but she is just shrugging numbly again.

"I'm sure it's going to take some time. Give it a few days and I bet you'll be feeling better," Ruby adds on. "Isn't this normal? Aren't you supposed to have the _blues,_ as they call it?" She reminds her because the woman has spent many, many years researching everything the internet has to offer on Emma's conditions.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Do you know why you feel sad? Or is it just a feeling that you can't really comprehend?" Neal attempts to help navigate her through all those overwhelming feelings.

She sighs heavily and runs her fingers through her hair, contemplating if she wants to reveal her truth because she's struggling to understand her feelings herself.

"It's like a numb kinda sad, but I-I feel like I'm also kinda mourning. It sounds weird, I know and I can't really explain it, but I feel like I lost someone. I know I personally have no clue who my donor was, but I feel...guilty."

"That makes sense," Ruby softly whispers. "You agreed to open communication with the donor's family though, correct?"

"Yeah, I did. And their family agreed as well. I put a time restriction though, for my own sanity."

"What do you mean?" Neal curiously questions.

"I had the option to open communication via email or even a letter as soon as my surgery was complete, but I asked to put a restriction for one month. I just thought my head might not be in the right place after surgery. I want to be in control of my emotions before I speak with...whomever reaches out to me."

"No, that totally makes sense," Ruby agrees wholeheartedly. "I bet once you learn more about the person, you will feel better, like maybe you can move on."

"Maybe."

"And I bet you will start to feel better when you start going to those group therapy sessions. Talking to people who are experiencing exactly what you are, it's gotta help, right?" Neal optimistically proceeds, but she can't find the strength to do anything but shrug along noncommittally.

" _And_ once you start working out again, I bet you will start to feel normal once more," Ruby continues, desperately hoping to lift Emma's spirits.

"Yeah. You're probably right," she agrees, but her heart feels heavy and sad, refusing to cooperate with her mind that's ready to start feeling better.

So, she plasters on a fake smile and does her best to enjoy her friends' company while she has it.

~~~~

And Emma tries. She so desperately tries to jump back into life and enjoy the world that spins around her like she used to, but she's struggling. She's struggling far worse than she ever thought imaginable and no matter what she does to stop the train of worry and anxiety speeding through her head, she can't.

She's been very carefully working out to build the strength of her heart, with her dad by her side, cracking jokes and being all playful, but she still feels a weight upon her shoulders and her smiles feel forced. She's been attending group therapy sessions with others who have had transplants as well, but she finds it rather monotonous. Everything they say is just another repetitive phrase that she has read one hundred times over on the internet while researching about transplants.

She just wants someone to understand her without saying, _hang in there, it will get better, your feelings are all...normal._

Ruby and Neal visit often, but they seem to be stuck on the same mantra as well and she's bored. So utterly bored. She feels like she's trapped inside her parents' home with nowhere to go and nothing to do because it's winter and her mother is paranoid she's going to catch pneumonia.

"Emma, dinner is ready," her mother shouts up the staircase, grating on her nerves like nails to a chalkboard and she pleads for her mind to transport her anywhere else but there.

Her jaw flexes as she slowly rolls her neck to shrug off her annoyance. She inhales sharply, noting how the sting in her chest is hardly even there anymore after four weeks of recovery, just a dull ache. Her eyes flutter closed once more and she relaxes, but then her mother's voice is booming louder than moments ago.

"Emma? Are you working out again? You already exercised today." She jumps in her skin, her eyes blowing wide to discover her mother leaning against her doorframe with her arms folded nervously across her chest. "You don't want to overdo it."

"I'm not exercising," she bitterly grumbles, her irritation on full display for her mother to pick apart and analyze. "I'm doing some light yoga to calm down."

"Oh, is it helping?" Mary Margret curiously questions in the softest tone and Emma knows it's because she has been on edge lately and her mother senses it.

"It was," she growls, her voice laced with accusing insinuation.

She and her mother have always been the best of friends, but as of lately, her mother has been walking on eggshells around her and she hates herself for feeling so irritated and crabby all the time, but she can't seem to control these unexplainable emotions.

"I'm sorry to disturb you. It's just...dinner is ready. Your dad is running late this evening, so-"

"You can't eat alone?" Emma snarks, her eyes drifting closed, hoping to alleviate the tension knotting in her shoulders.

"I would like to eat with you."

"I'll eat in a little bit, I'm not hungry right now."

"Emma-"

"Mom, please," she unexpectedly snaps, craning her neck and meeting her mother's sorrowful eyes and she is instantly filled with regret for being so short with her lately, but she just wants some peace and quiet. She really wants all these irritating feelings to just disappear and it takes everything in her to not cry, because they both know this isn't her. "I'll be down later. I just want to be left alone right now."

"Of course," Mary Margret sadly whispers, pushing off the doorframe and closing Emma's door before she moseys on back downstairs.

Emma sighs heavily, already regretting her short temper. She knows part of the mood swings are from all the various medications she is strictly on; one to keep her immune system from rejecting her heart, some to help her immune system to keep her strong and not as susceptible to bacteria or viruses and she knows the main culprit are the steroids, that are causing her to lash out.

She closes her eyes and attempts to meditate through these irrational mood swings, but the weight of guilt claws at her until she pops right up from her mat and stomps out of her room and down the stairs to have dinner with her mother. She finds her mom sitting all alone at their dining room table, staring aimlessly at her plate, swirling around a glass of white wine in her hand. She swallows thickly.

"I'm sorry," she finds her mouth blurting out without her consent because of how miserable her mom appears, all because of her.

Mary Margret's head jerks up from the sound of her daughter's voice. She quickly sets down her glass and picks up her utensils like she was eating that entire time. And Emma hates herself because her mother has spent her entire life worrying that she might have to bury her baby and it's completely unfair. Now, finally, _finally_ , Emma received her heart and her mother can breathe again after thirty long years and Emma can't stop snapping at her and pushing her away.

"It's fine," Mary Margret mutters and quickly takes a bite of her chopped chicken salad.

"No, it's not," Emma exasperates, collapsing into the chair beside her mother with the heavy weight of exhaustion dragging her down. She smoothes her hands over her scalp until she moves around her high ponytail to clasp onto the back of her neck. She drops her gaze to the table and she is just too tired to stop the tears welling up in her eyes. "I'm so sorry that I have been short with you. I know-I know you just want me to be safe," her voice croaks out through the heavy emotions lodged in the back of her throat.

"I understand that you are going through a lot. I just want to help you, honey," her mother softly whispers.

"I know you do," she sniffles, refusing to meet her mother's sad eyes. "But I don't think you can. _I_ don't even know what I need."

As the realization washes over her, she drops her arms to the table and buries her face, surrendering to the sadness that has been plaguing her heart. Her mother is up and out of her chair in two seconds flat, draping her tiny frame over her daughter's back for comfort and Emma breaks down even more, sobbing from the unconditional love her mother always showers her with.

"We will get through this."

"I should feel so fucking excited that I have at least ten more years, but I feel so damn depressed," she cries, just as the familiar sound of her father coming home from work resonates around her.

She listens to the garage door closing and then comes the predictable routine of her father kicking off his shoes before he steps into the bathroom to wash his hands thoroughly. Always so careful not to spread germs with Emma around.

"Where are my two favorite humans?" He chuckles, his voice so light and airy before he hears his daughter in hysterical tears. "Hey, what's going on?"

"Nothing!" She suddenly explodes, jerking away from her mother's warm embrace to wipe away her persistent tears because she doesn't want to keep explaining herself when nobody understands her.

"Hey, no need to get snippy with me," her dad sternly scolds and she feels like a small child all over again which only further agitates her hormones. "Listen Emma, I know you are going through a lot, but this constant snarky attitude isn't helping any of us."

She groans, roughly burying her face into her hands once again.

"David," Mary Margret's soft tone is quick to jump in. "She doesn't mean it. I don't think she can help it right now."

And she can just hear the way her dad defensively folds his arms across his chest, which always means business and scared her into submission when she was younger.

"Emma, maybe it's time you consider seeing someone," he suggests, forcing a warm rush of embarrassment to swim through her veins and paint her cheeks a deep crimson.

"Yes, please, let's add more doctor appointments to my life," she sarcastically quips.

"I'm tired of you jumping down our throats-"

"Okay, both of you, stop," her mom quickly interjects. "David sit down, let's talk about this."

Her dad sighs heavily, but he obeys his wife's request and settles down in the seat across from his blushing daughter, soaked with tears.

"Dad, I'm trying to be optimistic, but I'm really having a hard time. I just feel so sad all the damn time and I don't know how to stop it," she confesses again, her voice breaking as she swipes her sleeve across her runny nose.

Her mom claims the chair beside her and rests her hand upon her bouncing knee to calm her jitters.

"Do you feel depressed? Like everything is just blah?" Her mom sweetly asks, inspiring Emma's head to bob along, but then she quickly shakes her head, rejecting the suggestion.

"Wait, no. It's like something is missing. I feel like I'm mourning someone still. I-I just feel so damn guilty that I was pleading so hard for a heart, so I could live...I feel like I was begging for someone to die for me. I don't know whose heart this is, but I feel so awful that fate sacrificed them, so I could survive."

"That's understandable, kid," her dad sweetly replies, but she's so damn sick of people telling her that her feelings are valid.

She just needs _something_ else.

"Honey, maybe it's time you reach out to the donor's family. Maybe you need to hear their story, so you can grieve and move on in life."

She sniffles again, roughly wiping her face with her other sleeve to clear away the mess. "I guess. I just feel like a mess and I don't know if I can speak to them without bursting into tears."

"Maybe it's what you both need. Maybe you can talk to them and maybe you will both cry and maybe it will help everyone move on," Mary Margret gently offers, but all Emma can do is shrug, just like she always does as of lately. "It has been one month like you requested. The envelope is just sitting there with the information you need to contact the donor's family."

"I know," she sighs heavily and abruptly pushes back her chair to stand up. "I think I'm going to head upstairs and rest a little bit."

"How about you eat something?" David meekly asks, but she is already walking out of the kitchen to hide away in her room.

"I'll be down later," she mumbles over her shoulder and jogs right back upstairs.

She softly closes her bedroom door and flops onto her bed like her body cannot possibly stay upright any longer. She pulls her knees to her chest and rolls onto her side like she's a little girl all over again. And she feels that way as of lately, she never expected to be thirty and living with her parents once again.

She does think about what her mother had offered but she really doesn't know if she has the strength to speak to her donor's family just yet. She's fairly confident it's going to unleash another pack of wild emotions that she can't possibly tame and she knows she is not ready for that quite yet.

Luckily, her phone beeps, informing her that she has a new email. She kind of hopes that it's work. She could use the distraction, and she becomes optimistic when she clicks on the email to find a name she has never seen before. Possibly a new client. Her thumb presses on the email before her eyes ever register the subject.

_Dear Emma Swan,_   
  
_Truthfully, I'm not quite sure how to start this off. I understand that you requested one month grace period before communicating with your donor's family and according to my calendar, that's today. I hope all is well on your end, especially your recovery. I'm not entirely sure how much information you would like, if any. The only information I received about you was your name and email for contact, but I was hoping maybe we could exchange a little more. I'm going to keep this first email short to allow you some time to process, but I do hope to hear from you soon._

_Sincerely,_   
_Regina Mills_

Emma purses her lips as she finishes reading the email and it's because of the way her heart flutters. She hasn't felt any type of excitement in four long weeks and she wouldn't necessarily say that she's feeling ecstatic right now, but she feels...something.

And that alone is everything.

A small smirk tugs at the corner of her mouth and without a second thought, her eyes drift back to the top of the email just to read it all over again. It's vague, that much is evident, but she's sure if she would have reached out first, hers would have been just as empty.

Her email probably would have said, ' _Hey, so I'm the one who received the heart. Let me know if you want to chat.'_

A tiny laugh escapes her nose as she shakes her head at her own stupidity. She quickly scans the email once again and lingers on the name, Regina Mills. She tilts her head to the side, a thousand different scenarios skittering across her mind. Is this a parent? A sibling? A significant other? A daughter? A cousin?

She allows her mind to run wild as she contemplates how she wants to reply. However, she ends up reading that email over and over again until her eyelids can't find the strength to stay open any longer and she falls fast asleep.

With a tiny smile playing at her lips.


	4. Chapter 4

  
Her sister ushers her into her home, but she's numb all over, subconsciously holding the urn closer to her chest like a security blanket. The house is pitch-black, eerily cold, and nothing like the warm and inviting home she has grown accustomed to after fifteen years. She swallows thickly, pleading for that bitter acid to slide back down her throat as she steps inside.

"You should really consider timers for your lights," Zelena mumbles, searching for the switch on the wall while Regina simply hugs the urn even closer, because they do have timers, but for some reason they aren't working this evening and that's something Naveen always took care of for her.

Her heart stutters.

Her sister softly closes the door behind them, securely locks them inside, but Regina just stands there, frozen in place, numb all over from the excruciating ache she can no longer process anymore. She hears the clatter of keys against the side table and then her sister's grumbles under her breath as she releases her feet from her high heels, but Regina can't move.

She can't think about much of anything, her mind awfully dark and quiet like standing in the middle of an alley at three o'clock in the morning with not a soul around. She can't even cry, her tear ducts all dried up after two weeks of weeping uncontrollably. So, she holds her husband's ashes close to her chest and simply breathes.

"Regina?"

"Hmm?"

"Come on, let's get out of these clothes and find something more comfortable to relax in," Zelena whispers into the depressing silence that haunts the home now.

And yes, their home was always quiet, it was only ever her husband and herself around, but there was a comfort in that silence and warmth that filled the air and heated up her heart. Now, the quietness is deafening and sends icy prickles down her spine and she hates it here. She hates the ghosts that linger of their happiness that no longer lives or thrives from their love.

She finds her feet scuffing against the polished floors, without her permission, toward her winding staircase. Her sister is following in her shadow, her hand gliding along the wall for another light switch and Regina clings to the urn even harder. Somehow, she makes it to her bedroom and then she stops, forcing her sister to almost collide into her back.

She didn't think about it before, but now she's panicking, wondering where her husband's ashes belong. Does he stay in their room, where they spent so many nights twisted in each other's embrace? Or does she place him downstairs on the mantel, where they spent every night working together and supporting one another?

"What's wrong, sis?"

"I don't know where to put him," she answers, but her tone is vacant of any true emotion and even to her own ears, she sounds so far away.

"Anywhere, but you don't have to decide that right now. Let's just take one step at a time and the first thing is getting out of those heels, right?" She lightly muses, hoping to brighten up her sister's mood even though nothing will turn that frown upside down. "Where are your pajamas?"

Regina doesn't reply, instead her feet carry her to her husband's side of the bed and she pauses. She stares blankly at his nightstand, pleading with life to reverse the clock and bring back the love of her life.

"I think," Zelena cautiously whispers, stepping behind her baby sister, "he would be most comfortable there."

Regina releases a breath she didn't even know she was holding and hugs that urn one last time before settling him down on his nightstand. She moves slowly, away from the nightstand until she is opening up the dresser drawer and pulling out a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt from NYU. Zelena doesn't even have to ask, she knows it's all Naveen's.

"Do you have something for me?"

Regina blinks away the foggy haze around her and peers over her shoulder. "You don't have to stay, I'll be fine."

"Yeah right," her sister scoffs.

"I don't need a babysitter."

"You shouldn't be alone tonight. Not after spending five hours at his memorial service, listening to all those stories and bawling your eyes out."

"I'm a big girl," she flippantly murmurs, but there is no conviction to her words and she even hears the broken woman from within.

"Yeah, but you're also human. Go change. I'll find something for myself."

Regina doesn't bother with a rebuttal because she knows her stubborn sister well enough to know once her mind is made up, there is no changing it. So, she trudges into the bathroom, shuts the door and slowly peels away the clothes that she will never be able to wear again, knowing she will break down if she even felt the weight of them once more. Her movements are depressingly slow as she slips into Naveen's clothes because her shoulder is still tender from the accident and her right arm is locked away inside a cast.

Once she tugs his shirt over her head, she catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror and she flinches on reflex. Her stomach flips from the angry gash embedded deep into her upper lip, thanks to the broken glass from the windshield. She knows she is scarred for life there and yes, there is a deep cut on the right side of her forehead and an even deeper one near her hairline, but at least those can be hidden by a strategic piece of hair and not in the middle of her face where all eyes will be immediately drawn to.

And that scar will haunt her for the rest of her life. Every damn time she catches a glimpse in the mirror she will be forced to remember the horrific accident that stole her husband away. An accident she still cannot remember for the life of her.

"Regina? You alright in there?" Zelena hollers from the bedroom, ripping through those haunting thoughts before she completely spirals out of control.

She doesn't respond once again, she just exits the bathroom to find her sister already changed into one of her silk pajamas. Her heavy feet shuffle across the bedroom until she crawls into bed, curls up into the fetal position and pulls her comforter all the way up to her chin.

"Do you have an extra toothbrush?" Zelena questions, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.

"Under the sink," she mumbles, realizing she didn't even brush her own teeth before bed, but she could not care less at this point.

Zelena helps herself while Regina squeezes her eyes closed, not wanting to face that empty side of the bed. Her sister is out just a few moments later and thankfully, she comes to sit on Regina's side of the bed, not wanting to disrupt his side.

"I'll be in the guest bedroom if you need me." Regina nods slowly, pulling the comforter closer to her face. "Hey, did the donor recipient get back to you yet?" She hopefully inquires, knowing Regina needs something to feel attached to her husband one last time before she officially says her goodbyes.

"No, it's only been one day though," she mutters into the comforter.

"Yeah, I'm sure she will get back to you soon. This is a lot to process and handle."

"I know, Zee."

"And I bet you will feel so much better after you speak to her, so you can properly say goodbye." Regina buries her face even deeper and nods just once. "Alright, well...do you want some peace? Or do you want company? What do you need, sis?" She softly questions, forcing Regina's eyes to squeeze even tighter because she hasn't the slightest clue what she needs anymore.

She feels so empty inside, and it's so damn terrifying in that lonely hole carved out from her heart. She's sad, but spending two weeks crying her eyes out has made her feel numb as well and she doesn't know what to feel anymore. She hasn't a clue what she needs to properly mourn and pick herself up again and she's aware it's going to take a very long time, but she really doesn't know if she's going to be able to survive without him.

"I don't know anymore," she mumbles and the ache in her chest is so fierce that her body involuntarily coils tighter into a ball.

"I'm going to give you some space, but please, come get me if you need anything," Zelena implores and Regina absolutely detests how unsure and nervous her usual, overly-confident sister sounds now.

She nods just once and with that, Zelena is up and crossing the bedroom. She flicks off the lights, but leaves the door open in case Regina needs her in the night.

Regina lies there in the dark, praying for the hurt in her heart to dull just the slightest. It's been two weeks since she woke up in this nightmare she now calls her reality...four week since the tragic accident.

When her father told her about Naveen's heart, she knew she needed to contact the person to say her final goodbyes to her husband since she was never granted the chance. She spoke to her in-laws, because they were the ones that received the contact information since the doctors were unsure when Regina would wake up.

Mr. and Mrs. Maldonia were always nice enough people, but somewhat cold, their noses constantly in the air from their wealth. How Naveen turned out so generous and so full of love always baffled Regina, but she never dwelled on the matter because her husband was down to Earth and she fell head over heels for him. The Maldonias did want to know who received their son's heart, but once they found out it was a woman who was in desperate need, that's all they needed to know. They sympathized with Regina and understood if she needed to meet the woman, but in their eyes, their son was gone and there was no point pretending that he was still there to fool their own hearts during their grieving process.

But Regina needed more. So, she waited, very impatiently as the days drifted by to wait for the recipient's request of one month before communicating. She must have typed out over one hundred different emails, before the date came around, one including every overwhelming emotion that haunted her with every question imaginable about this Emma Swan. She erased that one though, along with so many others, worried she might frighten the woman and settled on the simplest thing she could come up with.

Her phone buzzes somewhere behind her on the nightstand. She tells herself to ignore it, but her body is rolling over, so her good hand can snatch up the device. She releases a shaky breath and suddenly her heart flutters, taking her by complete surprise. She ignores the sensation though and opens up her email. Her body moves on its own, scrambling to slide up in bed when she reads the name Emma Swan.

A cold sweat breaks along her body, causing her to shiver as her thumb immediately clicks on the email.

_Hey Regina,_

_I'm glad you reached out, it's nice to finally speak with you. I would like to exchange more information as well. I'm not really sure how to go about this, it's kind of weird, right? Lol I don't know what you want to know about me, but I'm willing to answer if you just send some questions my way._

_As for me, right now, I would like to know how you are related to my donor and whatever information you are willing to share about the person they were._

_Hope to hear from you soon!_

_-Emma Swan_

She hasn't the slightest clue as to why she's smirking at her phone. Maybe it's because this person put _lol_ in an email, because honestly, who does that? Either way, she's grinning and her heart does feel a little bit lighter and for the first time in four weeks, she does feel just a tad hopeful about the future.

~~~~~

"Thanks again for driving me," Emma says, but her eyes are focused on the phone in her lap, willing it to make a sound. "Two more weeks and I'm clear to drive myself around."

"No problem," Ruby beams with pride, focusing on the road, but when she is greeted with silence, she glances at her best friend in concern. "What's up? I haven't seen you stare at your phone that hard since freshman year of college," she chuckles, except Emma groans beside her and rolls her eyes.

"Don't," she warns and Ruby is already holding up one hand in surrender. "I'm just a little antsy that's all. A family member from the donor reached out and I'm kinda excited to hear about the person."

"Really?" Her best friend squeals like a child on Christmas morning. "Dude! I'm excited too. This is awesome, I'm glad someone reached out to you because knowing you, you would have taken _way_ too much time on it and you would have stressed, over thought the whole thing, and you still would have been so vague."

Emma scoffs, but she knows her friend is right, this woman knows her better than she knows herself most times. "She was super vague," she defends, inspiring Ruby's eyebrows to skyrocket.

"Really? A match made in heaven," she teases, provoking Emma's eyes to roll again. "So, let's hear it! What did this woman have to say?"

"Not much, just that she hopes my recovery is going well and she's not sure how much information I want to share, but she wants to exchange more than just our names. She kind of left it up to me to make the next move."

"Well, that's cool. She sounds chill."

"She kind of sounds proper. A little too formal and curt."

"Eh, how much can you really tell from an email, you know?" Ruby shrugs carelessly, flipping on her turn signal and checking her blind spot before she jerks a hard left.

Emma is quickly reminded that she cannot wait until she's cleared to drive again. Ruby is a terrible driver and her mother is way too cautious, both the complete opposite to the extreme and it drives her mad.

"I guess you're right," she mumbles under her breath, her eyes boring into her phone to light up.

"So, what did you say back?"

"Ummm, I don't know. I kinda just said I'm willing to answer whatever questions she wants and then I said I would like to know how she's related to my donor and really any information she is willing to give me about the person, would be cool. I was trying not to put too much pressure on the situation."

"Oh yeah, for sure," Ruby agrees wholeheartedly, enthusiastically bobbing her head. Always the supportive and loving best friend and Emma smiles, feeling a little more relaxed sharing the news with someone.

She hasn't told her parents yet, because she knows that they will be just as anxious to find out about the person and that will only make her more nervous and excited and then she will really be obsessed with her phone.

"I messaged her last night, I thought by now she would have responded," she sheepishly confesses, her eyes never straying from her phone.

"I'm sure she will respond today, I mean, this is kinda huge, right? And who knows how she's related to your donor. She could be the person's mother and you know how awful it would be to bury your child, you know?" Ruby rambles, but Emma remains silent, bobbing her head along. "Or maybe her parent was your donor? Or best friend? Dude, I would have the hardest time-"

"I know," she immediately cuts off her friend because they have had to face that reality too many times now and she knows exactly how death can torment a person.

"She will get back to you. She probably just needs a minute to gather her thoughts. She's probably deciding on what she wants to ask you, right?"

"Yeah, that's true," she mumbles.

She can feel the intensity of Ruby's stare, burning against the side of her face and she knows her friend is worried about her. Ruby has been quietly regarding her, silently pleading with her to confess how she's truly feeling after the operation. Yet, for some reason, Ruby can't find the courage to interrogate her.

"Hey, how about we stop for lunch at my Granny's diner before I take you home?" Her friend hopefully suggests, her cheerful disposition on full display for Emma to latch onto and ride along with her.

But Emma sags further into her seat. "Nah, you know my mom will kill you if she finds out I was in public right now."

"Awe come on, she never has to know. You can wear your mask in the restaurant and just take it off to eat. I'll wear mine with you," Ruby playfully encourages, snatching hers right up from the center console and quickly slipping it on.

"Thanks," she weakly says, offering a tired smile and tearing her eyes away from her phone to meet the glowing eyes beaming back at her. "But I'll pass. Two more weeks and I'll be in the safe zone, then we can grab a bite in public."

"You go to support meetings and all your doctors' appointments, what's the difference?"

"It's two weeks. I rather be safe than sorry. There are a lot of germs out there right now and it's winter and so many people are sick. I can't risk catching something right now. My immune system is a mess."

"Alright," her friend reluctantly concedes, yanking off her mask and tossing it back down between them. "How about I still order from Granny and we eat back at your place?"

"That I can do."

"Perfect!"

It's only five minutes later when Ruby is jerking the car into Granny's parking lot and clambering out of the car to place their order. Emma sighs when she's finally alone, her hands moving quickly to unlock her phone. She opens her emails and refreshes the inbox and sure enough, a new email comes through and she growls at her stupid phone for not informing her right away.

Her heart unexpectedly leaps to her throat when she reads Regina's name at the top of the email.

_Hello Emma,_

_Thank you for responding so quickly. I agree, this is all rather awkward and I'm not entirely sure how to navigate through any of this. You did inquire about my relationship with your donor and any information about him. His name is Naveen and I am his wife. However, I would really love it if we could meet in person and discuss everything more in depth. I understand, if maybe, that might be a bit much of a request, but I believe it would be best and most beneficial for both of us in person. Please let me know your thoughts._

_In best regards,_   
_Regina Mills_

Emma's heart slips from being lodged in her throat and drops to the pit of her stomach. Regina wants to meet her? Her donor's _wife_ wants to meet her in person?

Warm tears instantly fill her eyes from the amount of guilt that weighs down her soul. This woman lost her husband and Emma is walking around now with his heart in her chest and she cannot possibly fathom why this woman would want to meet her? She could only imagine how furious this woman has to be that her husband's life was taken away to allow some strange woman to live? How fair is that? How is her life more important than this woman's husband?

Emma's so lost in her guilt that she doesn't hear the car door popping open.

"Hey! Granny put extra fruit and pecans on your salad. Don't even act like you enjoy all that plain lettuce." When Ruby is greeted with a wall of thick silence, she jerks to her right to find her best friend silently crying. "Em, what's wrong, girl?" She quickly blurts out, leaning across the car to place one hand on her shoulder and one to her thigh to steal her attention.

With a shaky hand, Emma places her hand lightly over her chest, absorbing the steady rhythm that beats and then she heaves out a heavy sob.

"I have her husband's heart."


	5. Chapter 5

  
_Warmth is swallowing her whole, but she's content, she's happy. She rests her head back, her neck rolling to the side to admire the stunning grin that consumes his entire face and persuades her heart to skip merrily along. He reaches and she doesn't necessarily feel the contact, but she sees the way he grins as he brings her knuckles to his lips and presses a gentle kiss. He lingers, his eyes drifting away from whatever lies ahead to meet her gaze and flash her one wink._

_She feels so utterly loved and she knows her heart is full._

_She blinks, her eyes trailing back to find out what's ahead, but everything in her line of vision is black. So pitch-black that a haunting, eerie sensation crawls down her spine and demands that all the little hairs on the back of her neck stand to attention. Her heart starts racing and she knows something is wrong. Something is so terribly wrong and she's screaming at herself to stop the madness. Get out._

_The sound of crunching glass echoes all around her..._

_No...._

_No...._

_Get out!_

Her body jerks so violently, her eyes spring wide open and her hands fling out to brace her fall, but she isn't falling. She's blinking rapidly against darkness, her body scrambling up in bed and she doesn't even recognize the agonizing scream that's ripping from her own throat and attacking the walls.

"Regina, I'm here," her mother's voice coos, but she is so disoriented, she hasn't a clue as to where the woman is or where the hell she is for that matter. "It's alright, darling, it was only a dream. It's all over. You're safe, in your room," she vows and that's when Regina feels the warmth enveloping her, along with the comforting touch of her mother's loving embrace.

"Momma, I-" she can't catch her breath, she's struggling to inhale one simple breath and her heart is raging so painfully in her chest, she is sure it's going to burst right through her sternum.

"I know, dear. It's alright. I promise you're safe."

Her mind allows her mother's words to wrap her up tight and keep her safe from the demons taunting her from the nightmare. She inhales sharply, breathing in her mother's perfume and forcing her heart to calm back down.

Once she can finally breathe again, Cora pulls her face to meet her gaze. She's wearing a depressing frown as she wipes away Regina's tears, her own eyes wet.

"Regina darling, these nightmares are becoming more frequent now. Are you sure you don't remember them?" Cora gently asks, knowing Regina is going to clam up like she usually does after every night terror.

"I don't," she mutters, curling her fingers around her mother's wrists and easing her away.

But she remembers. All too well. These nightmares are terrorizing her now, lingering in the shadows beneath her bed for the moment she drifts off to dreamland to torment her. Every night, it's the same thing; his playful smile, the kissing of knuckles and then comes the sound of shattering glass, but that's as far as her mind allows the memories to come back to her.

Truthfully, she doesn't know what's worse; not remembering the accident and what actually happened to her husband or remembering and having that horrific memory burned into her mind?

"Maybe you should consider seeing someone to discuss these nightmares? I have a feeling it has to do with the accident," Cora sweetly whispers into the night, brushing Regina's damp locks away from that angry gash still trying to heal near her temple.

"I-I just don't know if I want to dig deeper. I don't know if I want to remember what happened," her shaky voice admits and she sounds so foreign to her own ears. She sounds so utterly broken, nothing like her usual, in control tone.

She hates it.

"I understand that, but honey, you can't keep living like this. You cannot possibly survive suffering through nightmares, night after night."

"I know," she sadly whispers, attempting to discreetly wipe away the tears that are freely cascading down her cheeks without her consent.

Cora sighs heavily, knowing damn well how stubborn her daughter is and she will only agree to something when it's on her terms. "Would you like me to stay in here with you?" She kindly offers, like she has been doing every night she stays over.

Her mother and sister have taken it upon themselves to rotate sleeping at her house and she honestly doesn't know if she's thankful or humiliated. She has always been independent and strong-willed, but this accident broke her in ways she never imagined and she's definitely not the same woman she once was.

Regina doesn't answer her mother, instead, she slips down into the cool bedding, tugs the comforter to her chin and prays that those nightmares don't find her. Her mother scoots down as well, silently, knowing her daughter will want space, but needs her presence as support.

She lies there, her mind racing, recalling those dreadful memories that possess her dreams at night. She knows her brain is trying to remember the accident, but she isn't sure if her mind is subconsciously trying to reject them or she really can't recall because of how hard she smacked her head against the car while it rolled. She doesn't want to share the reoccurring dream with her mother or sister, maybe it makes it too real or maybe she knows they will push her to seek help, either way, she's not ready to share.

She isn't sure how long she lies awake for, but her mother is softly snoring beside her. She's wide awake though, antsy, like she could go run a mile, even her toes are bouncing beneath the comforter. She sighs heavily and reaches for her phone on the nightstand.

It's after three in the morning, but she needs a distraction from that eerie sensation slithering down her spine like a snake trudging through the sticky mud. Her thumb moves all on its own, opening her emails like it knows what she needs to calm her erratic heart.

And relief washes over her when she finds a stranger's name in her inbox. She clicks without a moment of hesitation.

_Hey Regina,_

_I wanted to start off by saying, I am so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine what you must be going through. To be honest, I'm kind of surprised you would even want to meet me, but I'm up for it, if you are._

_It's not really a good idea if I'm in overly crowded places right now, I'm supposed to wait three months. We can pick a restaurant, when it's not so busy to meet, but it would have to be in two weeks. That will be two months since my operation and I will feel more comfortable out in public and so will my mom and she won't show up with masks and spray you down with disinfectant. You will be able to meet the real me, not all confined in bubble wrap. Lol_

_I'm not sure where you are from, but I'm in Manhattan. I know a great little diner that my friend's grandma owns, where we can meet and have some privacy to talk. Let me know what you think. In two weeks I'm allowed to drive again, (yay!), so I could always come to you, if you want. I'll talk to you soon!_

_-Emma_

And yes, it's absolutely absurd, but her stomach does this little happy dance just from the simple _lol_ and _yay,_ that Emma had thrown into the email. The casualness of informalities, somehow, persuades Regina's mind to relax just the slightest.

She isn't aware, but the corner of her mouth is deepening and she is smirking back at the glow from her phone in the dead of the night. The woman that has her husband's heart agreed to meet with her and her heart stretches from hibernation and flutters it's wings at the glimpse of a hopeful tomorrow.

She quickly types out a reply, places her phone near her pillow and for once, since she woke up in this new reality, she falls asleep peacefully without the worries of any horrific dreams.

~~~~~

"Well hello, darling. Did you sleep well?" Cora amusingly questions over the rim of her coffee mug.

Regina runs her fingers through her messy bedhead as her sleepy feet drag her into the kitchen. She slides onto the stool at the island and wraps her robe more protectively around her body. She inhales the warming aroma of fresh coffee, but her heart is still moping around and forcing a pout upon her lips.

"Regina?"

"Hmmm?"

"Did you sleep well?" Her mother interrogates again, settling her mug down on the counter to inspect every detail of her face for any signs of deceit.

"Before the nightmare? Or after, when I couldn't fall asleep until hours later?" She flatly replies, uncharacteristically slumping her cheek upon her palm.

"Well, this morning when I woke up, you seemed to be in a very peaceful and deep sleep."

"Yeah," she lazily agrees, "this morning I was able to sleep soundly."

And she can't help the way her mind automatically wanders back to the email she found in the middle of the night from the woman who holds her husband's heart. Instantly, her chest loosens and she is able to steal a calming breath of fresh air.

"Well, that's a step in the right direction." Regina simply shrugs noncommittally. Cora abruptly spins around on her heels and begins preparing her daughter a cup of coffee, but Regina knows her mother all too well and she knows the older woman is distracting herself as she works up the courage to say whatever is ringing in her head. "Have you thought about when you might be returning to work-"

"Mother-"

"Just hear me out," Cora hastily interrupts the rejection as she whirls around and sets a steaming mug down in front of her. "I'm not insinuating that you need to go back any time soon. I'm just wondering if you have taken time to consider when that might be."

"I-I don't know," she murmurs, avoiding eye contact like it's one of her damn nightmares standing before her. She carefully blows on her coffee and takes a sip, hating how it doesn't warm up her bones like it used to.

Nothing in this world is the same as it once was. Without Naveen around, the world around her is depressingly dull, not one splash of color to brighten her dreary mood. Even something as simple as food tastes bland to her and seems to always make her stomach turn in revulsion.

She hates it here.

"Regina," and by the gentle and cautious tone, she is sure she isn't going to care for her mother's choice of words. "You can take as much time as you need, but the firm isn't going to be able to run on its own. I know you have people there that you can trust, but dear, your company is without both of its owners at the moment."

"I am well aware, mother," she growls and from the formality, Cora knows her daughter is pushing her away, commanding that she better back off.

Neither Cora or Regina have ever been able to back away from an argument though.

"I'm sure Kathryn can step in until you return-"

"And if I don't," Regina defiantly rebuttals, provoking Cora's jaw to come unhinged.

"I beg your pardon."

"If I don't," she repeats, thrusting her chin in the air to assert her power...or stubbornness. "What if I decide that I don't want to return to work? Maybe I cannot stomach the thought of walking back into that firm without my husband by my side. Maybe I should simply sell the company and move on."

"Regina," her mother gasps, reaching across the island to hold her hand and stop all those awful ideas recklessly spewing from her mouth. "You are one of the top lawyers in New York, you built a very successful firm with Naveen and now you want to just throw it all away?"

Her jaw flexes as her cruel words are tossed back in her face, persuading those persistent tears to fill her eyes once again. She clenches her teeth from the sinking feeling in her stomach, but she finds the courage to admit her true feelings.

"I don't want it. I don't want any of it without Naveen by my side. We built that company _together._ Without him...I don't want any part of it," she breathlessly whispers, her voice quivering as the realization washes over her and she finally faces how she truly feels.

"Honey, you're still grieving, you've been through Hell. Don't make any rash decisions while you are still healing, mentally and physically," Cora urges, but Regina knows in her heart, she cannot possibly be the woman she once was without her husband by her side.

"And what if I don't ever heal from this? What if I can never find the courage to move on and I always feel this emptiness torturing me from inside?" She coldly replies as her vision blurs and the anger she has been carrying around with her sparks. It burns hot and violent through her veins and she cannot stop her body from reacting so negatively.

"Regina-"

"No, no," she snaps, slamming her palms against the marble counter and welcoming the sting to distract her mind from the burn in her heart. "You have no idea what I am going through. You, nor Zelena can possibly fathom what it's like to lose the love of your life and not recall the moment. You have no idea what it's like to live in a house that was once surrounded with you husband's life, and now feels like living in his tomb." She abruptly stands, her knees trembling viciously, but she needs to release this rage eating away at her until there is nothing left. "This is my life now and I have to figure out how to continue living when I don't want to," and she swallows thickly from her own confession that causes her mother to flinch. "You can't-you can't just push me to move on or go back to work-"

"Honey, I am not trying to push you-"

"I don't want to hear it, mother," she growls, running her shaking fingers through her hair in a lame attempt to calm herself back down, but it's pointless. Her entire body is involuntary trembling. "You could never understand what I am going through."

And with that, she storms off toward her bedroom, to hide away under the covers, leaving her mother behind to viciously spin in the tornado of emotions she has left in her wake.

~~~~

"What's up, Smirkles?" David cheerfully questions the moment he pops up in her doorway, ready for their routine workout in the basement.

"Smirkles?" Emma repeats, quickly setting her phone aside to meet his amused gaze.

"Yeah," he chuckles, pushing off the wall and entering her room. "You have been smirking at your phone all morning," he declares, playfully poking at her cheek. "Smirkles."

She rolls her eyes and swats him away immediately just as her mother pops her head in, swallowed whole by the tightest workout gear imaginable.

"Is she still smirking? It's so good to see that smile again," Mary Margret chimes in as well, so disgustingly perky.

"I am not smirking," Emma firmly demands, but her hand is reaching for her phone once again, eager to reply to Regina's email from last night.

"Then why can't your mouth stop digging deep into your cheeks, creating that adorable dimple?" Her dad continues with his teasing, poking at said dimple.

"Stop," she exasperates. "It's not like that. I'm just...I am kind of intrigued to meet my donor's wife. Along with nervous, anxious...kinda nauseous," she grumbles, her thumb absentmindedly sweeping across the device.

"I think it's going to be a positive experience for you," Mary Margret acknowledges. "I truly believe it will help you move on from the guilt."

"I know," she breathes out heavily, hoping to release all the worries that have been crushing upon her chest as of lately.

"Alright," her dad excitedly says, slapping his hand upon her shoulder, "time for our workout. Let's get rid of some of this anxious energy, alright?"

"Yeah. Sure. Just give me a minute, okay? I need to reply to the woman. I don't want to leave her hanging, you know?"

"Of course," her mother quickly responds. "We will meet you downstairs," she declares, dragging her husband away, who is still beaming so brightly from _finally_ seeing a smile upon his daughter's face.

Once her bedroom door clicks shut and she is granted some privacy, she immediately unlocks her phone. Regina's email is right there, waiting for her once again.

_Dear Emma,_

_Thank you for the sentiment, but there is no need to apologize. This isn't your fault. I'm sure most people wouldn't want to meet in person, I know Naveen's family is against the idea. However, my situation is a bit unique and I will happily go further into detail when we meet._

_I am in Brooklyn, which is only about a forty-five minute drive to Manhattan, so I can come to you. Please just send the restaurant you would like to meet at, along with the time and date. I want you to feel comfortable and I wouldn't want you to risk your health, so please pick a time when you know the restaurant will be quieter._

_Speak to you soon._

_Best Regards,_   
_Regina Mills_

Emma grins again, not completely aware of the action that is happily dancing across her face, but it's there. There is something about Regina's emails that pump adrenaline through her system and make her feel more alive than she has in years. She can't quite comprehend the feeling just yet, but she chalks up the sensation as to hope. Hope that she will learn all about Naveen. Hope that Regina will assure her that she shouldn't feel guilty for begging for a heart and that she isn't angry at her for ending up with her husband's. She needs confirmation from Regina that everything is okay and there are no hard feelings.

She needs...something to help stop the guilt weighing her down every damn day.


	6. Chapter 6

  
Her palms are clammy, hopefully she can get that under control before the woman arrives. Her mouth is watering like a damn fire hose from all the anxiety pulsating through her blood and the way her stomach is in knots. She's pleading with herself not to vomit. So, she swallows again, rubs her hand furiously against her thighs, hoping the denim will absorb the moisture and inhales a slow breath to calm her nerves.

She hears the little bell above the diner, forcing her neck to snap up her heavy head to discover if it's the woman she has been obsessing over for two weeks now. Her face falls when she locates her best friend's long mane peeking through the door like some cheesy sitcom. When agitated green eyes meet ecstatic emeralds, Emma groans and Ruby beams brighter than a headlight in the dead of the night.

"Rubes," she hisses as her friend scurries across the diner and plops down in the booth that is supposed to be reserved for her guest.

"Hey-"

"Get out," she growls, "come on, I'm nervous enough. I don't want you hanging around and spying on us."

"I know. I know. And I will. Promise. I just want to sneak a peek. I'm so curious."

"No," she firmly demands, but then her voice is flicking to whiny in an instant. "Please, just go. I don't want it to seem like I need you for emotional support."

"You do need me for emotional support," her best friend deadpans. "How clammy are your hands? Maybe don't shake her hand, keep them busy, so she won't have to touch them."

"Ruby!"

"Alright, alright, I'm gone."

"Yeah, right. You better not spy through the window."

"I won't," Ruby slyly claims, but Emma just glares at her, sensing the inflection in her voice and noting the mischief twinkling in those eyes, accompanied by the smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth.

Through squinted eyes, Emma observes as Ruby stands from the booth and doesn't head for the door, but sashays toward the back of the restaurant. Her heart sinks.

"Where are you going?" She demands to know, but Ruby shrugs noncommittally and peeks over her shoulder.

"It's not my fault Granny is short for the dinner shift."

"Bull!"

And with that, Ruby winks and disappears into the kitchen, leaving Emma a floundering mess that is somehow, even more jittery than she was when she arrived. A high voltage of anxiety poisons her blood, sparking and buzzing just as bad as the day of her surgery. She immediately slaps her palms down against her jeans and scrubs away the nervous sweat.

She quickly checks her phone, her mind barely registering that it's one o'clock in the afternoon, exactly when they had agreed to meet two weeks ago, because she knew Granny's diner would be dead for the next four hours until the dinner rush hits. That offers them plenty of time to speak with some privacy and safety for Emma.

But Emma's a hot mess inside. After she and Regina agreed on a time and place, their emails completely stopped. She's not sure why Regina stopped communicating with her, not that she owed her anything, their conversation was technically over. However, Emma missed the one email she received a day that broke up the monotony of her painfully boring life. She wanted to reach out, just to keep the steady flow between them, maybe that would have eased away some of the tension knotting in her stomach right now, but she couldn't find the courage. A part of her felt like she would be pestering the stranger and she definitely didn't want to keep speaking to the woman if it brought up bad feelings about her deceased husband.

"Emma?" And it's a soft, yet rich, seductive tone that drifts through the air, wraps around her veins and sends shivers down her spine, persuading her heart to spread its wings and soar.

She's startled, because she was so lost in her own thoughts that she didn't even hear the tiny bell warning of a new customer moments ago, but that's not why her heart is hammering in her chest.

"I'm sorry, are you not-"

And Emma's to her feet in record time, jutting her hand into the space between them with a sheepish little grin.

"I'm sorry, yes, I'm Emma. Regina?" She meekly inquires just to confirm, watching as the woman's shoulders slump in relief.

And oh my god, this woman is so _beautiful_.

Her heart rattles with excitement.

"Yes, nice to officially meet you," Regina replies with a shy smile as she gently shakes Emma's hand as if she's made of glass and might shatter between her own delicate fingertips.

"You too," she breathes out, grinning from ear to ear because her heart won't stop flapping around like an over-ecstatic little puppy coming home for the first time.

And that's...foreign to her. Her tarnished heart that she was born with, never fluttered in response to any human before. Maybe a tickle, but never a raging flutter like this. That probably has everything to do with the fact that she always pushed people away, so they didn't get attached to her...so _she_ wouldn't get attached. Either way, her heart has never reacted in such a way to another person and she can't seem to stop smiling because of it.

"Thank you for meeting with me," Regina kindly says, slipping into the booth and placing her purse down on the table to her right.

All while Emma can't stop admiring how beautiful this stranger is, especially the way her midnight black hair falls effortlessly passed her shoulders and rests against her chest and Emma is sure it's just naturally perfect like that. There's also this scar embedded deep into the woman's upper lip and okay, Emma has never found scars particularly attractive, but dear god, this one is so unbelievably sexy.

And then Regina peeks through her thick, dark eyelashes, those chestnut irises curious and stern as they meet Emma's inquisitive eyes and her heart does a backflip.

"Uh...of course. Um, thanks for driving here," she sheepishly says, knowing damn well she was caught staring.

"Not a problem, it was my idea to meet in person," Regina vacantly says just as someone approaches their table to take Regina's drink order.

"Hi!" Emma's entire body deflates from the voice alone. "I'm Ruby, I'll be your server. Can I start you off with something to drink?"

"Oh, you know I haven't had a chance to look over the menu."

"I can come back, but I suggest Granny's lattes or cappuccinos if you are a caffeine junkie," Ruby cheerfully replies, her days of waitressing coming right back to her like the old saying, riding a bike once again. 

Emma tries, she really tries not to stare at how regal and confident this stranger just oozes as she sits in some dinky diner, but it's so hard not to. So, she quickly averts her eyes to her menu, even though she has it memorized by now, her fingers fiddling beneath the table in her lap as a distraction.

"I'll take one," Emma suddenly chirps, just to fill the silence as Regina's dark eyes sweep across the menu with the different varieties, but then those eyes are on her, pinning her with a look she can't really decipher.

"Are you allowed to have something with that much caffeine?" Regina sternly blurts out before she can stop herself, and by the blush spreading up her neck, Emma knows she wasn't planning on saying that out loud. "Oh, I-I apologize, I didn't-"

"It's alright." Emma smiles, to help ease the worry clouding over Regina's expression because she can tell she genuinely feels humiliated for the word vomit.

"Emma drinks decaf," Ruby acknowledges through a broad grin that's ready to split her face right in half while Emma narrows her eyes at her friend.

"Oh, are you the friend?" Regina sweetly inquires. "Your grandmother owns this restaurant?"

"Yeah, I am," her friend slowly says through a wolffish grin before her eyes flick to Emma's and her eyebrows skyrocket in amusement, but Emma scowls in return. "So, what'll it be?"

"A skinny cappuccino, please."

"Sure thing," and with that Ruby saunters away, okay, so she's practically skipping away with joy, provoking Emma's eyes to roll in annoyance.

"Sorry, I don't even know why she's here. She hasn't worked here since we were in high school," Emma confesses, her own cheeks flaring up from embarrassment, worrying this stranger may think she needs a babysitter.

"It's quite alright. I'm sure she was just nervous for you," Regina nonchalantly waves off the moment, her fingers moving to unbutton her black peacoat and make herself a little more comfortable. "You never know who you are going to get behind a screen nowadays. I could be a serial killer."

"You still could be," she reflexively blurts out because she is so used to the back and forth banter with Ruby and Neal, that she couldn't really stop her big mouth.

One perfectly sculpted eyebrow slithers up Regina's forehead, causing a tiny scar near her temple to make itself more prominent. "I could be," she coyly quips. "And I have been getting away with it for years because by day, I'm a lawyer."

Emma barks out a laugh, one that has her cheeks stretching to produce her dimple and her stomach tightening those abs that haven't been worked out properly in too long and god, she hasn't laughed without a little strain or force in a very long time. There's just something about the way Regina delivered the line, so casual and careless, yet pristine and a hint of smugness. Emma can already tell she's going to enjoy this woman's sense of humor.

"You're funny."

"I am?" And by the incredulous expression contorting Regina's features, Emma knows she doesn't hear that quite often.

"You are," she vows, complete with a sharp head nod and a bright smile to solidify her answer, but Regina's face is suddenly falling, draining from all color and worry instantly sizzles in Emma's chest. "Are you alright?"

"Y-Yes, I'm...I'm sorry," she stammers through a whisper and Emma cannot peel her eyes away from the watery ones trying to avoid contact.

"You don't have to apologize, Regina, you didn't do anything wrong."

Emma has to physically restrain herself from reaching over the table to comfort this stranger because her body is urging her to do just that. So, she slips her hands beneath her thighs to keep her anxious body in control, yet, her chest is leaning forward until the table stops her from swaying any closer.

Luckily, Ruby stops by to drop off their drinks, a real manic grin set into place before she drifts away. Regina quickly latches onto her mug like she desperately needs the warmth to settle down whatever chill is tormenting her from within. She takes a very small and timid sip before she speaks again, her eyes never meeting Emma's.

"My husband was the only person who ever found me funny," she reveals, her voice trembling violently despite how in control she's attempting to sound.

Emma thinks she should apologize again for her loss, but then she thinks about how robotic everyone has sounded to her lately and she's sure this woman is so sick and tired of the same mantra over and over again.

So...

"How is that possible?" She chooses to say instead. "You have spoken to other humans before, right?" Regina's wet eyes slowly crawl away from her mug and latch onto Emma's shinning orbs. "Some people think they are so funny and it comes off as trying too hard, you know? It's all about delivery," she states, lifting her latte up and smirking before she takes a tentative sip as well.

Regina though, is assessing her very closely and Emma hates feeling like she's an ant under some damn spy glass. It always makes her fidget and sure enough, her steaming liquid almost topples over the rim from her shaky hand. Luckily, she doesn't spill...this time.

"Well...thank you," Regina timidly whispers, just a hint of a shy smile ghosting over her lips and Emma's heart leaps forward, reaching for this woman only to collide brutally against her sternum and be rejected.

And something tells Emma that specific smile is reserved for only a select few lucky ones and somehow, it settles the jittery nerves rattling her bones.

"So," Emma breathes out, her shoulders rising as she attempts to start this conversation she knows is going to be overwhelming. "Uh...do you want to start?"

It's so hard not to notice the way Regina's grip tightens around her mug.

"I suppose I can." Regina produces an audible gulp that expresses her true nervousness, but she straightens her posture, oozing that confidence once again that has Emma a little intimidated. "The reason why I asked to speak with you in person is because Naveen and I were in a horrific car accident that lead to his death," she pauses, because her voice won't stop trembling and Emma opens her mouth to apologize, but Regina pushes on. "I-I don't remember the accident, in fact I was in a coma for six days after...and then five days after that, I was in and out of consciousness."

Emma watches, frozen in place as a single tear rolls down Regina's cheek, leading the way for the rest of its companions to follow. She feels so utterly helpless in the moment because she wants to comfort this person, but she's a stranger, besides Emma has never really been good at consoling people.

"You didn't get to say goodbye," Emma's broken voice barely croaks out the words as she stares wide-eyed at those tears that keep trickling down the woman's face.

"No."

"That's why you came here?"

"I needed...I needed _something_. Some type of closure. None of this feels real. I still feel like I woke up in some horrific nightmare and it just won't end," she confesses, much to her own mortification because she really didn't want to get too deep and personal with a perfect stranger.

"I get it," Emma sheepishly reveals. "I needed _something_ too." This gathers Regina's attention, the tears stilling and sticking to her rosy cheeks as she meets Emma's shimmering eyes. "It's kinda overwhelming. I-ugh-this is so hard to explain to you." Regina doesn't say a word, she's too busy regarding Emma so intently. "I feel...really...really guilty," she whispers, terrified of revealing the truth.

"Guilty?"

"Yes," her voice cracks and her fingers itch to fidget, so she presses her thighs down firmly to keep them trapped beneath her. "For nine months I was on the waiting list and every day I begged and pleaded for a heart and the minute I received that phone call, I was drowning in guilt. I feel like I was basically begging for someone to die, so I could live," she confesses, provoking her nose to tingle and her vision to blur from the tears lurking inside of her. "That's a horrible thought and I'm so so sorry that it was your husband," she chokes on her sob, quickly rushing to wipe away the liquid dribbling down her cheeks and through her wet eyelashes, she witnesses the tears cascading down Regina's cheeks as well.

"I-" Regina's voice squeaks out before she inhales sharply and reaches for a napkin to wipe away those salty tears clinging to her face. "I can only imagine how you must feel. However, I don't blame you, Emma," and her voice is so fragile, so delicate that Emma has no choice but to meet the woman's gaze.

"You don't? You don't hate me? I mean it's not fair that you lost your husband just so I could live," she cries out, attempting to sniffle away her emotions.

"I don't _hate_ you. And I didn't lose my husband just so you could live...I lost my husband by a terrible accident and because of the incident, you were able to live."

"I-I never really thought of it like that," she murmurs, using her sleeve to clean the mess across her face.

"People pass away every day, it's unfortunate...it's awful, but the people that choose to be an organ donor, aren't sacrificing their lives for another. They are simply helping someone in need after they are gone," she whispers so softly that Emma's heart flutters once again in response to that silky tone.

"I'm glad you see it that way, because I really felt guilty and I thought you were going to hate me. And honestly, this is what _I_ needed to help me move on."

Regina nods just once, her eyes crinkling at the sides as she observes the blonde closely, Emma still sweeping away the liquid pouring from every which way. There's a heavy moment of silence and Ruby must be watching from afar because she chooses this moment to pop her little head in.

"Hey, are you two thinking of eating this afternoon? Or just coffee?" Ruby gently questions, her eyes flicking from green to brown ones warily.

"I should probably eat," Emma mutters under her breath, passing her menu to her friend, knowing what she's going to order. "What do you think, Regina? Wanna join me?" She hopefully asks, flashing this dorky little smirk that has Regina visibly relaxing before her.

"I believe I can manage that," she says, but there's a hint of teasing in her tone, maybe it's a dab of seduction, either way, this woman oozes sex appeal, even if she is unaware.

"What salad today?" Ruby questions, her pad and pen ready to scribble down Emma's order.

"I'm so sick of salads," she grumbles. "How about a grilled chicken wrap?"

"Ugh, I don't blame you. _I'm_ sick of seeing you eat salads," her friend chuckles. "Fruit? Or you want granny to do some steamed vegetables for you?"

Emma smiles, knowing that's not really an option on the menu, but for her it is. "Fries," she says, provoking Ruby's eyes to narrow. "I'm just kidding, fruit."

"Good, because I'm not about to wrestle Granny for you over fries." Her friend laughs lightly before she turns her attention to the other brunette. "And you?"

Something that resembles conflicted flashes across Regina's face as she studies the menu before her. She nibbles on her bottom lip and Emma hates the way her heart thumps a little faster, like even the organ finds the action irresistible.

"I'll have the avocado chicken wrap, thank you," Regina quietly orders, handing over her menu.

"Fruit or fries?"

"Fries," she blurts out all too quickly.

And then Ruby is gone in a flash and Emma is beaming at Regina, she never really gave her face permission to do so, but here she is, grinning like an absolute fool. Regina nervously fiddles with the utensils, her eyes scrutinizing her own fiddling fingers and Emma knows something is on her mind.

"I'm willing to answer anything you want to know," Emma pipes up, hoping to coax the brunette into speaking her mind before it's too late and she regrets it.

Dark eyes peek through even darker lashes curiously, inspiring her fingers to stop fidgeting. Regina nods curtly before she straightens her posture, the stern lawyer taking over the conversation in the blink of an eye.

"Do you feel...different?" Emma blinks, but Regina rushes on. "I mean, do you have any weird cravings or find that your mood is different?"

"Ummm, no strange cravings." Emma shrugs, both hands finally slipping out from their prison to rest on top of the table. "I do feel a little different, like I have these mood swings, but I'm pretty sure that's all the medication I'm on, not because of him."

"Right," Regina impassively says with this look of defeat that crushes Emma's soul.

"I-I don't know if this is the heart's memory or what, but since the surgery I've been kinda down and everyone says that's normal, I'm supposed to feel _blue,_ but I've been sad like I've been grieving or missing someone."

With that, Emma pauses, allowing the words to dangle in the air, granting Regina the opportunity to interpret them however she wants. She doesn't necessarily want to tell this stranger that her new heart misses her, but by the way her heart is reacting to this interaction, she really feels like she's been missing Regina.

"Does that happen often? Have you known anyone to experience anything similar?" Regina barely says the words out loud, like she's desperate for the answer, yet petrified of it all at the same time.

"I've done research, I've spoken to some people as well. Doctor's say there isn't enough evidence to prove that someone's personality can change or that the muscle remembers things or craves stuff, but I've also read quite a few remarkable stories, so I'm not willing to rule it out just yet."

Regina nods again, seeming lost in thought as she picks at the corner of the napkin once again. Ruby uses this time to swoop in and drop off their lunch, asking if they need anything else before she rushes off.

"You have to watch what you eat now, correct?" Regina unexpectedly questions as Emma's mouth is biting into her over-stuffed wrap. Regina has yet to make a move toward her food, her fists clenched on either side of the plate. "I've read that your diet is very important after a transplant."

Emma quickly chews, nodding along and wiping her mouth. "Umm...yeah." She swallows quickly and meets Regina's intense glare. "But I've always had to maintain a very strict and healthy diet, so I'm kinda used to it. It's also all about moderation, too."

Regina nods just once again, her eyes trailing to her own plate. "May I ask about your history? Did you always have problems with your heart?" She tentatively investigates, slowly lifting her eyes to meet Emma's once again.

"Oh boy," Emma chuckles, but even to her own ears she hears how flat she really sounds. "It started at birth."

"Really?"

"Yeah, basically it was a birth defect where the valve that controls blood flow from the right upper chamber of my heart, didn't form at all and there was an obstruction of blood flow in my right ventricle as well. So, I had to have surgery right away. I was alright for a while, my parents were always worried and I had a lot of doctor's appointments as a kid. But my ventricles were not working properly and kept failing me and by the time I was ten, I already had my chest cracked open three times," she admits, noticing the way Regina's breath catches in her throat like most people, but Emma is so accustomed to the procedures now, it really doesn't phase her. Just hazy memories left behind.

She swallows thickly, hating that sinking sensation in her gut whenever she has to explain the next part that leads to the scare of a lifetime.

"Then at seventeen, I was diagnosed with sinus node dysfunction, which means my heart couldn't keep a steady pumping rate that is appropriate, so I had to have a pacemaker put in. I thought for sure I was good then. I was ready to put all of this behind me and live my life, take my next step with college and enjoy my life. And I did, for about eight years, until I noticed I couldn't workout regularly like I used to and I was having difficulty breathing with very simple activities," she inhales sharply, still hating this next part with a fiery passion from the unfairness of it all. "It wasn't until I was twenty-five, that I was in and out of hospitals. They assumed it was my long history that was causing problems, but I was later told that my heart was failing."

"Emma, I...I am so sorry you had to go through all of that. I could only imagine how difficult that must have been as a child."

"It was rough, for sure. My parents were always so amazing and positive, but they have been very strict. Then again, I have to be thankful for that, because I highly doubt my heart would have made it for as long as it did if I didn't have hovering parents."

"They sound wonderful," Regina concedes, finally picking up her wrap and taking the smallest bite imaginable.

"How about your parents? Are they...hovering because of everything you have going on?" Emma casually asks, volleying the conversation right back to keep a steady flow between them before she gets all awkward like she normally does.

Regina exhales the deepest breath that already answers Emma's question wordlessly. "Dear god, yes. My mother and my sister have moved in without my permission and apparently made a babysitting schedule, so I'm not left alone during any moment of the day," she scoffs, rolling those big brown eyes and taking an aggressive bite out of her sandwich.

"Ugh, I know what you mean. I had to move in with my parents before the surgery, in case of any emergencies and so they could help post-op, and I'm grateful and all, but oh my god, my mom is always up my ass."

Regina breathes out a small laugh through her nose. "My mother is always staring at me, like I might implode at any moment."

"My mom is constantly spraying every surface with disinfectant. Someone walks in, she attacks them with masks and hand sanitizer."

"My mother keeps stealing my laundry basket, like I cannot possibly wash my own clothes. I could use the distraction and I definitely don't need her touching my underwear."

"My mom prepares my meals like a toddler."

"My mother keeps climbing into bed with me."

Emma giggles, a full belly giggle at that. "Yeah, my mom watches me sleep from the doorway," she confesses through a hearty laugh which inspires a broad smile to take over Regina's face.

Emma's sure the woman is moving in slow motion when she slowly plucks a fry off her plate and extends her hand over the table. "Everything in moderation?" She repeats Emma's words from earlier, a dazzling smile dancing across her face and there goes Emma's heart once again.

Emma's curious eyes flick behind Regina's shoulder, making sure her friend isn't spying on them, even though Ruby would probably just smirk.

"I haven't had a fry in years," Emma confesses, snatching up the potato before the woman changes her mind.

"Naveen's heart was very strong. I won't tell. It'll be our little secret."

Emma grins like a buffoon, popping the fry right into her mouth and moaning at the glorious salty taste. She notices right away how Regina's eyes soften.

Her heart skips a beat.

They both turn their attention back to their meals, Emma making her way through her wrap while Regina hardly finishes half. No more fries are offered and Emma has a sneaky suspicion this woman is usually very strict and the one fry leniency was probably a novelty. Especially since Regina neglects them as well, never eating a single one.

Ruby drops off a box for Regina, even offers a cappuccino to go, but the woman declines and asks for the check. However, Ruby shakes her head, laughs and waltzes away.

"Granny never charges us," Emma whispers, producing a scowl upon Regina's face.

"I can't leave without paying."

"You can try tipping Ruby, but she doesn't work here and she will probably hand it back."

"Well, then you give it to her grandmother."

"I'm not fighting that woman, she's feisty," Emma declares with her adorable dimple on display while Regina huffs out her annoyance. "So, ummm...is there anything else you would like to discuss? It's only two o'clock."

And Regina seems queasy at this question and Emma has no idea what she could possibly be stressing about. Suddenly, those dark eyes are lingering on her warily and Emma feels the heat bubbling from her heart and rising to her cheeks.

"You," Regina's voice cracks, her breath snagging in her throat and now they are both blushing for some peculiar reason. "You obviously know that I asked you here, so I can close this chapter in my life and move on since I was never able to say goodbye."

"I know," Emma softly whispers.

"I know this is...oh, this is awkward-"

"Regina, you can ask me anything. I feel like I owe your husband and if I can't repay him, I would like to repay you," she sincerely states, causing those tears to well up in Regina's eyes once again.

"I want to hear his heart beat one last time."

Emma's heart violently shudders, instantly agreeing to the request without Emma's permission. Subconsciously, she places her hand over her heart and swallows down the mass of emotions swelling in her throat.

It's an awkward request, especially coming from a complete stranger, but then again, she can only imagine what this woman is going through. She lost her husband, doesn't even have any recollection of it, and was never able to say goodbye properly.

So, without truly comprehending her actions, she nods.

"Not here though," Emma's mouth speaks for her and then her body is moving to stand from the booth, all on its own.

She feels almost as if she's out of her own body, watching as Regina sets down some cash onto the table...far too much, and then she is following Emma right out the door. Emma walks numbly to her car, unlocks the passenger side and holds it open, never saying one word. Regina blinks at her, blinks at the silent invitation of an open door, and then slips inside without a word spoken.

Emma's trembling viciously when she closes the door and rounds the car to slip into her own seat. When she slides into the driver's chair, she starts her car and cranks up the heat. There's a static electricity that sharply courses through her tiny Volkswagen Beetle as she searches her mind for something to say.

"Yellow?" Regina's raspy voice murmurs.

"Huh?"

"Yellow? Bold choice."

"I like yellow, is this really the time to be questioning what color my car is?" Emma squawks, but she's slightly amused.

"I'm sorry, I'm just trying not to think about how uncomfortable this situation is," Regina admits, glancing out the window as a distraction.

"Lucky for you, I have a lot of strangers feeling between my breasts." Regina's shocked face is comical and Emma can't suppress the snort that explodes from her own face. "They are all doctors but still strangers."

Regina slowly nods along like she understands but is still skeptical. Tentatively, Emma reaches across the center console, her heart hammering from what's to come and her palms sweating at the idea of touching this breathtakingly beautiful woman. She gently gathers Regina's right hand and slowly brings it up to her chest, ignoring the way they are both trembling. She swallows down all her trepidation and nerves and reminds herself that she owes this to the man that saved her life.

His wife deserves one final goodbye.

Delicately, she places Regina's hand over her heart, inspiring the damn organ to leap abruptly, taking them both by surprise. Regina's eyes instantly fill with thick tears that make her chestnut irises sparkle into a honey hue and it takes everything in Emma not to hold her close to stop those tears from falling. Emma presses a little further, allowing Regina to soak up the strong rhythm beating beneath her touch and that's what encourages those teardrops to fall.

"You can listen," Emma nervously whispers, but Regina doesn't dare make eye contact.

Instead, she nods once and leans forward to memorize the thumping that she fell asleep to every night. She misses the sound so much, she misses lying on his chest and drifting off to that sweet lullaby. For a moment, her eyes flutter closed and she absorbs the sound, but then the realization that she will never hear this sound again becomes too much and she jerks away.

"Are you-"

"Thank you for meeting with me," Regina blurts out, her hand popping the door open in a rush to escape the confines of the tiny bug. "Goodbye, Miss Swan."

"Regina, are you-"

The door is already slamming in her face, but she's not flinching from the sound, but the ache in her heart instead.


	7. Chapter 7

  
_The sound of his deep chuckle stirs in her chest and she cannot possibly contain the smile stretching into her cheeks. Making him laugh has to be one of her most favorite things about their relationship. Warmth is swallowing her whole, but she's content, she's happy. She rests her head back, her neck rolling to the side to admire the stunning grin that consumes his entire face and persuades her heart to skip merrily along. He reaches and she doesn't necessarily feel the contact, but she sees the way he grins as he brings her knuckles to his lips and presses a gentle kiss. He lingers, his eyes drifting away from whatever lies ahead to meet her gaze and flash her one wink._

_She feels so utterly loved and she knows her heart is full, but something like panic is festering in her gut._

_She blinks, her eyes trailing back to find out what's ahead, only to be blinded by the headlights shining on the other side of the road. An eerie sensation crawls down her spine and demands that all the little hairs on the back of her neck stand to attention. Her heart starts racing and she knows something is wrong. Something is so terribly wrong and she's screaming at herself to stop the madness._

_Wake up._

_The sound of crunching glass echoes all around her..._

_Please wake up._

_Her body feels weightless, hazardously tossed around like a rag-doll and she feels the need to protect herself, to find some control and brace herself from whatever is about to occur. Her hand shoots up, moving all on its own to plant her palm against the roof of the car. She doesn't necessarily feel the crack that echoes through the air, but she knows she should be feeling a violent pain in her wrist._

_Wake up._

_One, two, three. Wake up!_

Regina flings forward in bed, gasping for her next breath as her fingers curl around her right wrist to check for any damage. The dream...the memory still so vivid and haunting in her mind. It's been one month since the cast was taken off her arm and for some reason, the memories of what had happened to cause the break in the first place, have been coming back more clearly now.

One month.

The cast came off two days before she met Emma Swan. Obviously, she's still grieving and she will never admit this out loud, let alone to herself, but that woman flipped her world upside down. Her dark and dreary world, made up of stormy grey clouds and swirls of black, but when she saw Emma in that restaurant, she was taken back by the splash of yellow, the dash of red, and the pop of green.

Her world started to produce color once again.

Except, she hasn't spoken to the woman since that day, because she knows she can't use the blonde as a crutch to heal her broken heart, just because she possesses her husband's heart. That woman owes her nothing and she's lucky that Emma even allowed her one last opportunity to hear and feel Naveen's heart once again. However, she aches all over, itching to speak to the stranger again. Every day she has to fight against her instincts to not reach out and disturb the blonde's life. Emma needed a heart, not a lonely widow to come along with the package.

"Hey, sis," Zelena's voice startles her from those conflicting thoughts, forcing her wet eyes to dart toward the doorway where a mess of ringlets linger. "You're up, good. How about some breakfast?"

"When are you and mother going to move out?" She bitterly snarks.

"When your nightmares stop or when you decide to finally go speak to someone about them," Zelena fires right back, her sharp eyes narrowing to where Regina is still clutching her damaged wrist.

"I'm fine," she vacantly replies, dropping her wrist and tossing the covers away to head downstairs for breakfast.

Well, she doesn't eat much lately, but she could really use a strong cup of coffee.

"Regina, you've been through a lot. Nobody is judging you, nobody will look down on you for speaking to a psychiatrist. You need help, you can't go on like this. You're miserable."

"Well excuse me, I didn't know that grieving the love of my life has an expiration date."

"It doesn't and that's not what I'm saying," Zelena exasperates, chasing the brunette down the stairs and into the kitchen. "It's going to take a really long time and you will probably always miss him, but you need some help to get to a place where you feel somewhat better. And don't switch my words around, I'm not saying you'll be back to normal and skipping around-"

"I never skip."

"No shit," her sister deadpans. "All I'm saying is you need to get out of this funk and start to live again."

Regina whirls around to face her sister head on with a glint of sarcasm twinkling in her eye. "You're right, I need to move on and that's why I am meeting Kathryn and her husband today to sell the firm."

"What?" Her sister shrieks, but Regina spins back around like she didn't hear a damn thing and begins preparing her coffee. "I thought mom and I talked about this with you. You need more time, you shouldn't rush into-"

"I'm not rushing into anything," she explodes, angrily jerking the coffee pot out to fill with water. "It's been three months since the accident. I'm done. I don't want to be a lawyer anymore. I don't want anything to do with the firm. Dammit Zelena, I haven't stepped foot into the office since before the accident. I am done," she firmly declares, pouring the water into the maker and shoving the pot back onto the burner with all her pent-up anger.

"And what are you going to do with the rest of your life, huh? You are forty, you have at least another forty years."

Regina inhales sharply, her eyes cast down as she debates with herself if she should reveal her secret or not. Then again, she hasn't found the motivation yet, to open up to anyone again after her husband's untimely passing. She knows she's purposely pushing people away, so she can distance herself and maybe she won't feel as much when she loses them too. Subconsciously, she knows it's ridiculous, but she's in such a dark place now, she really doesn't give a fuck.

"I don't know," she murmurs. "But I will have plenty of money from the firm until I figure out what I want to do."

"It won't be enough to retire early."

"I know," is all Regina mutters before she scurries upstairs to shower while the coffee brews and to officially end another argument with her family.

~~~~

She really didn't think it would be this hard to sell something that is so tarnished by her husband's death, but they built this firm together. So many hours, so many late nights in the office, but neither one cared because they were always by each other's side. She thought it would be simple, sign her name, end the weight that feels tied to her feet, dragging her further and further down into the ocean of memories where she's drowning day in and day out.

"Regina?" Kathryn, her best friend, whispers, snapping her back to the now and encouraging her hand to scribble the last signature necessary.

"There," she announces, setting down her pen and leaning back against her seat to allow the lawyer to take the paperwork.

It was all very amicable, she is selling her company to her oldest friend and in order to pay the amount requested, Kathryn will continue to pay Regina each month as if she works there, until she is completely bought out. As the figures where placed out before her, she did note that she could live off that amount until retirement if need be. However, she needs something to fill her days and she does have the perfect idea in mind.

"Regina," Kathryn softly says to gain her attention as the lawyers and even her husband, Fredrick, leave the conference room. "Are you alright?"

"I am," she breathes out confidently, her gaze wandering out to the Manhattan skyline just outside the floor to ceiling windows.

It's the end of March, still a bitter bite to the air, but the sun is shining brightly today, attempting to warm up her cold and lonely world. Everything is still so...dull. So grey. And so very cold.

"Would you like to go grab some lunch?"

"I can't," she politely declines, her face as impassive as ever and she knows her best friend can see how broken she still is three months later. "Actually, I have plans," she clarifies to help ease Kathryn's worries as they both stand to exit the room.

"Alright, well, how about this weekend? I can use a little break from the weekend madness," Kathryn chuckles and Regina sadly smiles, remembering the rush of it all and how she didn't even care that she was wasting her weekends with work.

"Of course, that would be great," she says, but her voice doesn't express the excitement she's trying to portray.

With that, Kathryn walks her out of the building. They hug one another and she even offers Fredrick a small wave before he tucks his wife into his side and they head for the train. Regina peeks at her phone in her pocket and just as she's reading the time, the device starts to buzz.

She does smile in response.

"Well hello, dear."

"Hey! So, we are at Doughnut Plant. You're still gonna meet me, right?"

"Of course."

"Okay, good. See you shortly!"

"I will see you soon."

Regina smiles and ends the call, but before she can stuff her phone back into her peacoat, she notices a new email. Ever since she stopped showing up to the firm, the emails have dwindled down to almost nothing, so she is surprised to see a new message. She quickly opens the email, her feet still shuffling through the busy streets of New York like they are trained to do. That is until she reads a stranger's name that sets her heart on fire. She quickly scurries toward a building to step out of the way of traffic and so she can read the email closely.

_Hey Regina!_   
  
_I really hope all is well with you and your family, hopefully mommy dearest isn't sleeping with you anymore. Lol I'm sorry if this seems forward, I know we haven't spoken since we met and I don't know how you feel about that. I'm sorry if I'm bothering you, that's not my intention, but I have a question about Naveen and I was hoping if maybe you could answer it for me? If you don't feel comfortable just close this email and don't respond and I won't reach out again._

_But if you are curious, so am I. I was wondering if Naveen had a sweet tooth? I don't know if you remember, but my parents were really strict with my diet and I never really ate sweets. Lately, I'm craving sweets, like a lot...a lot. That's all I want to do, just pig out on sweets and I feel like I'm craving something, but I have no idea what it is. So, if you could let me know, maybe you can pinpoint what my tongue is watering for? Lol_

_Thanks!_   
_Emma_

Regina's hands slowly move the phone away from her line of sight while her head falls back to peer aimlessly up at the sky. Her eyes must be watery, because everything is a messy blur. And she hasn't the slightest clue if she's crying at the thought of her husband's silly cravings making themselves known in this strange woman or because she hadn't known how much she missed a simple conversation from a stranger?

Her heart is pounding and she's sure the tears are leaking down her face now, and she probably looks like a crazy woman crying in the rush of New York, but she quickly pulls the phone back to her face. She allows her fingers to move all on their own, her mind knowing exactly what she wants to say.

~~~~~

"I'm telling you, this place will satisfy all your sweet tooth needs," Ruby vows, linking her arm through Emma's and guiding her through the bustle of New York, where every person seems to be on their lunch break at the moment.

And Emma cringes, still worried about germs lingering in the air.

"I'm not buying _everything_ , I just need a little something to settle down this craving," Emma laughs, snuggling in closer to her best friend and admiring the simple fact that they are allowed to be in public together again. She survived.

"That's so weird, I can't believe you are craving sweets, you never."

"That's because I never knew what I was missing."

"Did you talk about it with your mom? Did she turn into the Beast and threaten to lock you away in your dungeon?"

Emma shoves her friend away, but they are both grinning from ear to ear, soaking up the moment and the little sun that's struggling to warm up the bitter air.

"She was fine, but she did remind me..."

" _Everything in moderation,"_ they both sing-song together because who knows how many times Mary Margret has chanted that throughout the years.

Together, they roll their eyes like they did when they were ten and giggle along. Ruby's head tilts back, her eyes shimmering against the sun as she reads the sign and tugs Emma closer. The brunette opens the door for her and then follows behind, both immediately stepping into line.

Emma picks her head up to read over the enormous menu on every wall behind the counter. It's rather busy this afternoon, but there is a distinct sound that catches her attention and inspires her heart to do this little happy dance.

The sound, Regina Mills' rich and husky laugh.

Green eyes drop down from the menu above to scan the area, where sure enough, she finds the beautiful woman standing two people in front of her, with a baby in front of her chest. Those plump lips are spread wide as she playfully nibbles at the chubby fingers grabbing at her face. Emma's positive her heart stutters and in a lame attempt to kick start it again, she swallows thickly.

"I'll be right back," she mutters so quietly that Ruby doesn't exactly hear what she says, but she notices her walking away.

"What?"

Emma ignores Ruby, her eyes solely focused on the woman she's been dreaming about for four weeks now. A woman she definitely emailed fifteen minutes ago about her silly cravings and she was sure she would never hear from, let alone see again. Yet, there she is, as stunning as ever, especially when she smiles so freely at an adorable baby. Her heart suddenly feels heavy because her mind is tripping over the idea that Regina and Naveen had a baby, that couldn't be more than a year and a half old.

"Regina?" Her eyes almost flutter closed from her own mortification because why did her voice have to crack like that?

The brunette flinches, obviously lost in the moment with the baby and wasn't expecting anyone to approach her.

"Em-Emma?"

"Hey," she sheepishly says, her hands gesturing in the confines of her red leather jacket.

"Hey."

A woman with strawberry-blonde hair whips around abruptly, her crystal sea-green eyes instantly drawn to Emma, assessing her intently. Emma swallows again from the scrutiny.

"Uh-hey," she stammers again like a fool, her eyes flicking back to the baby who is trying to steal Regina's attention back. "Ummm...is this your-"

"Oh no," Regina chuckles and Emma breathes out a sigh of relief. "If she was, I would have had a lot of explaining to do." Emma quirks up one eyebrow curiously while the other blonde laughs and steals the baby away from Regina's arms. "My husband was black," she deadpans, prompting Emma to assess the blonde hair, blue-eyed baby more closely.

"Oh," Emma chuckles, now understanding the joke. "Yeah, you definitely would have had some explaining to do."

"This is my niece, Robin, and her daughter, Hunter."

"Hi, nice to meet you...Emma was it?" Robin smirks, offering her free hand as Emma is already accepting the gesture.

"Hey, yeah, nice to meet you too."

"Next!" The kid behind the counter calls out, provoking Robin to rush forward to the counter.

"I should probably get back to Ruby," Emma announces, nervously hooking her thumb over her shoulder and blushing profusely from how awkward she is acting.

"Oh, of course," Regina replies with a very political smile plastered across her face and for a split second, Emma is sure this woman is disappointed.

"Good to see you," she blurts out, her feet already shuffling backwards.

"You too, Emma," and dear god, does she love the way her name sounds purring from that sexy woman.

She offers a crooked little grin, her feet continuing to back away until she's right beside Ruby once again. She breathes out heavily, like she was holding her breath the entire time, well, she probably was around that goddess. She is sure she just blacked out for a moment and her body was moving on autopilot.

"Dude, Regina is here? What a small freakin' world."

"I know," Emma murmurs, her fists clenching in her pockets as she tries to calm the prickly nervous energy rippling through her system.

"Next."

Emma peeks through her thick lashes, observing as Regina follows her niece to a nearby booth, where they set the baby into a high-chair at the end. Her mind is jittery and impatient, wondering if the brunette had seen her email, and ignored it, or if maybe she hasn't had an opportunity to check her phone.

"Why are you bouncing?"

"I'm not bouncing," Emma grumbles, stopping herself from bouncing.

"Yes, you are," Ruby laughs at her, those glowing eyes following Emma's line of vision. "Still obsessing over her, aren't you?"

"I'm not _obsessing_ ," Emma coldly demands, forcing her eyes back to the boring menu behind the counter once again.

"Then what's with you?"

"Nothing." Ruby pins her with a fierce glare, folding her arms and all, because this woman knows her inside and out. Emma groans under her breath and rolls her neck to alleviate the tension knotting in her shoulders. "I...may have...sort of emailed her before we went out and I'm just curious if she received it or not," she whispers, ashamed that she finally caved after one month of radio silence and reached out, even though she was scolded on several occasions to not do that.

"I told you that was a bad idea," Ruby growls quietly, not to cause a scene. "The woman is still grieving, obviously she had a hard time coping since she ran out of your car in tears."

"I know," she whines, fiddling with the insides of her pockets and rubbing the bottom zipper together anxiously. "I just felt bad, I kinda wanted to see how she was."

"Always the Savior," Ruby deadpans as the kid behind the counter beckons them forward. "I thought you traded in that heart of gold?"

Emma rolls her eyes. "You spend far too much time with my parents."

"What can I getcha?" The kid asks, leaning forward on his hands to hear them more clearly over the thumping crowd.

"Ummmm," Emma stutters, her eyes still sweeping at the menu above that she never truly read to begin with.

"A bear claw," comes the husky whisper from over her right shoulder, provoking her to jump in her boots.

She cranes her neck so fast she's sure her head is going to spin right off her shoulders. "Regina?" Her poor voice hardly croaks out the name because her heart is hammering so severely.

"Sorry to interrupt, but the craving..." and Regina looks so unsure of herself for a split second before a gentle smile ghosts over her lips from the memory of her husband. "It's a bear claw. He loved them, most mornings before work he would make us stop and get one." Regina's voice breaks from the emotions swelling up again, but she smiles despite the sadness and Emma finds herself smiling back.

Regina read the email.

"One bear claw," Emma orders and then turns back to Regina while Ruby orders as well.

"I was always on him about how unhealthy they are, but apparently his heart was very strong." Unknown to Emma, she's frowning back at this woman. "I'm sure one will be just fine. Everything in moderation, correct?"

And Emma's frown is blooming into a radiant smile from the phrase. "Right," she says, her smile stretching so far into her cheeks that she already feels how sore they are growing and maybe even a little warm.

"I should be heading back to my niece," Regina softly says and even though Emma's smile is still beaming, she feels the disappointment fizzling in her chest.

"Right," she concedes and watches as Regina dips her head down and then waltzes away as if she didn't short-circuit everything in Emma's hopeless body.

"That was really cool of her," Ruby acknowledges, both watching like idiots as Regina slips into the booth and immediately starts playing with the baby.

"Yeah," is all Emma can formulate at the moment because her mind is scheming to come up with another way to see this woman once again.


	8. Chapter 8

  
_Dear Emma,_

_I understand that we haven't spoken since our meeting and maybe that has a bit to do with the way I left things. It was all overwhelming, hearing his heart and knowing I will never hear it again. However, please don't feel like you are pestering me. I am more than comfortable to answer whatever questions may arise._

_Now, as for that sweet tooth you are inquiring about, yes, Naveen was a sweets-a-holic. I'm not sure what exactly your tongue is salivating for, but my husband enjoyed a bear claw most mornings. Sometimes in the afternoon, I would catch him sneaking a Snickers. Even after dinner, he always pushed for dessert and most of the time it was donuts, which I found absurd. I, on the other hand, always fought for a nice apple pie (he was not a fan)._

_I do hope this helps and again, please do not hesitate to reach out and ask whatever you would like. It was good to hear from you again. Please take care._

_Best regards,_   
_Regina Mills_

_P.S._   
_My mother has stopped sneaking into my bed, however, she must have spoken with your mother because now I find her lingering outside my doorway._

Emma is still grinning like she slept with a hanger in her mouth, all because according to the time marked on the email, Regina had sent the message before they randomly bumped into each other at Doughnut Plant. Seriously, what are the odds? Very slim, Emma keeps reminding herself and there's this stupid voice in the back of her head, the one that still finds hope in sappy fairytales, that keeps whispering a silly word of _fate._

"Emma?" She blinks away her blissful thoughts to find her mother lurking in the doorway once again, like she gets paid to stand guard for her daughter. "You've been kind of quiet this evening. Have you been journaling?" She timidly questions, knowing how much it irks Emma that she's constantly checking up on everything that has to do with the surgery.

"No, not tonight," she mumbles, her finger pressing the side button on her phone to hide away the email she's been gawking at, like she's on a first date with the damn thing.

"Have you been though?" Mary Margret inquires, cautiously stepping into the bedroom like there might be some secret trigger that will blow up in her face. "You have your monthly checkup tomorrow and the doctor is going to want to see that journal. He needs to know how you have been coping."

"I know, mom."

"But you aren't coping. I thought meeting that woman would help ease your guilt, but lately..." Emma's eyes flutter closed and she forces herself to inhale sharply and squash the anger that's bubbling up...again. "....I don't know, you seem more depressed," her mom finishes, placing a tentative hand upon her shoulder, but Emma refuses to meet her sad eyes.

"I know. I'm trying, but it's kinda hard when I feel like I'm bound to this house. I just feel..."

"Sweetheart, I understand that you feel restricted, but we have to maintain your safety. This first year is crucial."

"I know," she breathes out slowly, her eyes still latched onto the phone in her lap.

"But hey, you went out this afternoon with Ruby," Mary Margret desperately tries to flaunt the one positive thing in Emma's face.

"Right."

"It's going to get better, as the days tick by, things will smooth out and you'll start to feel normal again, you'll see."

"Yeah," she mumbles under her breath as her mother's hand slowly falls away.

"I made dinner."

And it takes everything in Emma not to snark out a sarcastic comment about how her mom _always_ makes dinner and it doesn't need an official announcement.

"I'll be down shortly."

Mary Margret nods, as though she was expecting that answer and slowly slinks away without another word spoken. She can feel her mother hesitating in the shadows of the hallway, she can feel the tension pulsating between them like her once broken heart and she wishes she could feel normal again. She wishes _they_ could feel normal again.

Without a second thought, she opens Regina's email and instantly hits reply for a distraction.

_Hey Regina!_

_Thanks so much for getting back to me. How weird was it running in to each other today? Lol I'm glad you were there though, that bear claw was exactly what I was searching for. I guess you were kinda my sweet-tooth fairy._

_And thanks for being so cool about all of this. I really enjoyed meeting you for lunch last month. It was nice to get out of the house and speak to someone that isn't obsessing over every move I make. I enjoyed your company, but I don't want to push you, if speaking to me becomes overwhelming, please just let me know._

_Thanks again for the different options of sweets. Can I let you in on a little secret? I've never had a Snickers before in my life...I know, crazy, right? Maybe I will find myself drooling for one someday and I will have to try one._

_Oh! Also, I'm sure our mothers are taking courses on how to irritate their daughters. It's been three months and my mom is still wary about me leaving the house without a mask, hand sanitizer and well, maybe the whole damn bubble!_

_Hopefully I'll hear from you soon!_

_-Emma_

She reads the email over a few times before she finds the courage to press send. There's just something about Regina that makes her want to open up and simply...talk. Something she hasn't been able to do with anyone as of lately; too terrified of her raging hormones popping off and lashing out at the people she loves most.

~~~~~

Forty-five minutes away, Regina is curled up tight, her legs tucked beneath her with the softest throw blanket draped over her entire body. She's sitting on the couch in front of her electric fireplace and she's still _cold_. The red wine is placed beside her on the end table, yet to be acknowledged because brown eyes are entranced by the fake flames while her mind replays a certain moment from earlier that afternoon.

The flash of golden sunshine, the splatter of red and the explosion of green that brightened up her world.

Even with visiting her niece and that beautiful bouncing baby, her world was still dim.

Her thoughts are rudely...thankfully, interrupted by her phone buzzing beside the untouched glass of wine. She blindly reaches to retrieve it, never once tearing her eyes away from the fire. Her finger moves mindlessly, knowing what to do all on its own and that's when her eyes tumble down to find a new email.

A flush of warmth rushes through her blood from the name alone.

She quickly reads over the email and the only reason she knows she is smirking, is from the way her cheeks are starting to ache from the foreign exercise.

Maybe she's not so cold anymore.

Without a moment of hesitation, she is typing away.

_Dear Emma,_

_First, I would just like to acknowledge the atrocious secret that you have never had a Snickers before. It's absurd, plain and simple, and I would like to be first on your contacts to receive notification when you drool over the candy one day. Since you shared a secret, I only see it fitting to repay the favor and if you must know, I did enjoy your company as well. It was nice to break up the monotony of my life._

_Second, I most certainly will inform you if speaking to you ever becomes too much. This may sound forward, but you seem at ease emailing me, so I am curious if you find us speaking odd? I'm sure you weren't searching for a pen-pal when receiving a new heart._

_As for bumping into you today, that certainly was unexpected. I suppose the universe enjoys watching us interact. Also, never refer to me as a sweet-tooth fairy again or I shall destroy you._

_-Regina Mills_

She nods firmly at her email and hits send without another thought. She briefly wonders what the blonde is expecting out of these emails? Or if soon she will become bored and slowly fade away. Truthfully, she doesn't even know what she's anticipating from the emails either, but she knows how they make her feel.

She knows the notification alone is like her breath is being stolen away, yet filling her lungs with a type of breath of fresh air that she hasn't felt since her husband's passing. She knows her heart pumps a little faster and is eager to find out what's inside. She knows her days are boring and mundane without them.

Her head is suddenly too heavy with her thoughts, tipping back to rest against the couch as she thinks even harder about what she's doing. She's simply speaking to another human, but she can't help but wonder why she is so drawn to the blonde? A part of her agonizes over the thought that maybe she feels the urge to speak to Emma because she holds her husband's heart. Maybe it's all a delusion that her heart is hoping that he's still in there and she can still be connected to him.

But the second she contemplates that theory, she knows that doesn't _feel_ right and it's all because she recalls that exuberant ray of golden tresses, the loud splash of red and those shimmering green irises. The woman is stunning, that much is obvious, but there is something about her crooked smile and her carefree laugh that is what keeps Regina calm and wanting more of her time.

She's conflicted. That much is obvious, but she knows she feels at peace when speaking to Emma and for now that's enough. For now, she will take that and run with it.

Her phone buzzes and she doesn't even try to suppress the smile just to maintain the frown that's been stealing her features as of lately.

_Hey Sweet-Tooth Fairy,_

_I wasn't expecting to hear back from you so soon. I thought we had a one email a day policy, but I'm not complaining!_

_I guess you're a little concerned with us speaking, I kind of was too, and I'm sure other people might find it odd, but nobody can really understand unless in this situation, right? I actually know a few people who have become friends because of transplants. There's a guy in my therapy group who received a heart as well and he still talks to his donor's mom. They get coffee like once a week. There's also this girl who got her lungs from this guy and she talks to his sister like every day, they are best friends now. I also know many cases where people never speak again after the first encounter. I think it all depends on the people and their individual story and situation. I hope that helps answer your question about us being odd._

_As for a pen-pal, I would enjoy you as one, like you said, it breaks up the routine of my boring day. So, I guess I'm saying, I would like to be friends, if you are interested and feel comfortable with the situation._

_Also, I didn't know enjoying my company was so dreadful that it's one of your darkest secrets. I feel like there's a backhanded compliment in there and I should probably feel offended. Either way, I'm a sucker for a challenge._

_-Your Pen-Pal,_   
_Emma_

Her mouth has the audacity to laugh. A full belly laugh that has her stomach muscles tightening, her eyes watering, and her cheeks burning and she really hasn't done that since before the accident.

For a split second, when her laughter subsides, she feels this sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach and it reeks of guilt. And that guilt leaks into her veins, poisons her blood, and forces those scalding hot tears to prick her eyes once again.

She curls into the armrest, tugs the blanket to her chin, because she's always so cold now without him, and allows a few tears to spill. Why, though? Why does she feel so damn guilty for laughing? Naveen was her soulmate, she knew him better than she knew herself and she knows for a fact that he wouldn't want her drowning in misery and sulking every damn day. He would want her to smile, he would want her to move on and enjoy her life.

She curls even further into herself and sobs like she hasn't since the first month without her love. She needs to continue grieving, she needs to allow these emotions to come pouring out before they slowly kill her.

"Regina!" She is so lost in her tears that she completely missed her sister unlocking the front door. "Regina, where are you?"

She wipes away the salty liquid clinging to her face with the blanket and sniffles away the mess leaking hideously from her face. "In here."

Zelena breezes through her home as if she officially lives there now, and it irks Regina more than she ever thought imaginable.

"Hey! I heard you saw my girls," she exhales roughly as her body plops down on the sofa beside Regina's feet. "Are you crying? Are you alright?"

"Yes and yes," she vacantly replies.

"Well, if that were true you wouldn't be crying. What's wrong?" Zelena interrogates, pivoting upon the couch to offer Regina her undivided attention.

"I'm sure your daughter filled you in on our day," she flatly says, wiping away the last of those tears.

"By your tone, I'm assuming that you are referring to a super hot blonde?" Regina flinches from the description of Emma Swan. "Oh, come on, you know my daughter cannot possibly speak of an attractive blonde and not drool. She has a type," Zelena shrugs carelessly and makes herself more comfortable against the back of the couch, planting her cheek to her fist. "So, what's up? Seeing Emma brought up some bad feelings?" She investigates, slapping her free hand down to rest on Regina's outer thigh.

"No. On the contrary-"

"Do you always have to speak like you're in the middle of a case?"

"Oh shut up," Regina growls, adjusting the blanket further up her shoulder. "But no, seeing Emma didn't bring up bad feelings. I-I don't feel sad when I see her...she...is nice."

"Nice?"

"Yes, nice."

"Then why the leakage?" Zelena presses, reaching across to poke at Regina's sticky face, but she bats her older sister away.

"Coincidentally, she had contacted me before the run in, inquiring about Naveen because she's been having cravings."

"Really? What kind of cravings?" Zelena excitedly asks, her bright eyes sparkling with fascination. "Sweets?"

Regina snorts through a small laugh. "Yes, sweets."

"That's crazy!"

"I know."

"Is that normal?"

"I did some research on it, professionals claim there is not enough evidence to firmly say yes, however, there are plenty of patients who have shared stories that confirm the theory."

"Fascinating."

"Yes, anyways, I replied and then she responded this evening and we exchanged a few more emails and she is quite entertaining. She actually made me laugh."

"So...you found out that maybe you do have a sense of humor and what? You were so horrified you burst into tears?" Zelena sardonically quips, earning herself a nice scowl in return.

"You're not funny."

"Nonsense, I'm a hoot."

"Sometimes, that's what makes you not funny. Sometimes it's all about the delivery," Regina retorts, causing her sister's face to contort into bewilderment. " _Anyways_ , no, I was crying because she said something to make me laugh and I don't know, I felt...guilty."

"But sis," Zelena sighs, her tone already flicking to concerned in the blink of an eye, "you know he would want you to laugh. There's no reason to feel guilty. Actually, he would be super pissed to see you this way. He would never want to see you so depressed."

"I know," Regina chokes on the rest of her words because those damn tears are stealing her emotions once again.

Zelena quickly pulls her into her arms and allows her baby sister to feel whatever she needs to, hoping that maybe this will help her start to heal.

She really needs her sister back.

~~~~

Emma is obnoxiously tapping her fingers against her abdomen, staring blankly up at the ceiling all while her mind obsesses over a stranger. She can't help but wonder if she said something wrong in her last email that forced the radio silence, because she was sure Regina would have emailed her back fairly quickly. Then again, she is overthinking and there are so many plausible reasons as to why the woman has yet to respond.

Sleep.

Regina could have definitely fallen asleep...their emails were exchanged around six o'clock, but sure, she could be fast asleep from exhaustion.

Emma groans to herself and roughly flops to her left side, now staring at the wall that once was decorated with a poster of Christina Aguilera. She sighs, glancing at the clock on the nightstand that reads midnight. She should have given up hours ago, but she is worried that Regina is struggling with their interaction. Maybe speaking wasn't such a great idea? Maybe it is too much for Regina?

She really hopes Regina doesn't think of her husband _every_ time they speak.

She closes her eyes and wills herself to fall asleep and that's the exact moment her phone vibrates. Her hand is so reflexive to the sound, that even alone in her bed, she's embarrassed at how pathetic she is acting to just talk to a person. But Regina's emails are that light ray of sunshine peeking through her dark storm clouds and she's thriving off it.

_Dear Pen-Pal,_

_I am sorry that this email is finding you so late, but I had a bit of a rough evening. Anyways, it did not go unnoticed that you started off your email with Sweet Tooth Fairy, I thought we discussed this? I am a very powerful woman and you have no idea what I am capable of, remember that. However, it seems you enjoy challenges, so maybe I have met my match._

_Thank you for explaining the different scenarios that you have encountered regarding our type of situation. It did help ease the worry and I do look forward to speaking more with you._

_You had assumed that I was offering some sort of backhanded compliment when I revealed my secret about enjoying your company, but that simply isn't true. I have always been goal-oriented and strived for the best and because of that, I was always a loner. I met Naveen at law school and he was always hitting the books just as hard, so we bonded over studies. I really only have one friend and that friendship began after I hired her to come work at my law firm. So, you see, I don't have friends, maybe just a few acquaintances that are always directly correlated with work, so when I said I enjoyed your company, it was a compliment. I don't like most people._

_Now, tell me something about yourself._

_-Regina Mills_

Okay, so Emma was being irrational and she completely accepts how crazy she was acting before. Except, now, she's acting even more insane, judging by the sappy grin slapped across her face. She doesn't even think about what she wants to say, because she's too giddy about receiving the next email and learning more about Regina Mills.

_Hey, Ms. Fancy Pants Who Owns Her Own Firm,_

_How about that title? Better? Lol_   
  
_It's okay that it took you some time to email me back, you don't have to apologize. I'm up anyways...bored! Do you want to talk about why you had a rough night? I'm sorry if I'm being nosy, I just have a feeling that it has to do with us speaking and I don't want to be the cause of any problems._

_So, you want me to tell you something about myself? Well, I love art. I love everything under the category of art; whether it's something like a painting, a photograph, sculptures or even stories. I'm hoping one day, before it's too late, I will have at least one photograph hanging in an exhibit somewhere. Until that day, I enjoy capturing the precious moments of life, weddings, engagements, births, and even families simply trying to document each year that passes by._

_Secret number two, I have a tattoo that I keep hidden from my parents. The only reason I got it was because I was so sheltered as a kid, I wanted to do something that was rebellious. So, the day I turned eighteen, I got a horrible tattoo of a flower._

_Email me back when you have a chance, no pressure._

_-Your Pen-Pal,_   
_Emma_

Truthfully, she isn't expecting an email back. She assumes that Regina needs time and space after each email to process, maybe detach Emma from her husband. So, she places her phone on the nightstand and reminds herself to stop acting like such a needy little girl. She takes one calming breath, admiring the way her chest no longer burns or tightens from the small action, and then she closes her eyes.

It's only maybe five minutes later when her phone alerts her that Regina is still awake and must be just as bored. She retrieves her phone faster than a dog with its new bone.

_Dear Photographer,_

_The new title you gifted me does not apply to my life anymore. Actually, earlier today, before I bumped into you, I sold my company to that one friend I was telling you about, Kathryn and her husband. I just couldn't go back. Naveen and I built that company together and I believe it's time for me to move on. So, you must come up with a new name now. Good luck._

_So, you are a photographer? I can't really explain why, but I find that freeing and for the first time in my life, I believe I am envious. I've never stopped to study a painting or a sculpture, I was always stuck with my nose in a book. Now that I sold my firm, maybe it's about time I visit a museum and see the world from a new perspective._

_You inquired about my rough night and maybe in a sense you were a part of it, but not for reasons that you assume. You made me laugh (tell a soul and I will hunt you down and destroy you), nonetheless, you did make me laugh and that's something I haven't done since before the accident. I felt guilty because of it, like I am not allowed to enjoy myself when my husband is deceased. I'm working on it, but I do want you to understand that it's not because speaking with you brings up bad feelings. On the contrary, you are quite pleasant to speak with._

_Secret number two. Is this a thing now? We have to end each email with a secret?_

_-Regina Mills_

God, why does this woman make Emma smile so freaking hard? Honestly, this woman sounds so damn proper all the time and Emma is itching to see if she breaks down those lonely walls, if Regina will still continue to talk like that. Maybe one day they will exchange numbers, and maybe Regina won't sound so formal via text.

Ugh, is she ever going to find the courage to ask this woman for her number? Probably not.

_Dear Bookworm,_

_Challenge accepted, challenge defeated!_

_I'm really sorry you ended up selling your firm, I can only imagine how difficult of a decision that must have been for you. I bet you must have agonized over that for a long time and you didn't take it lightly. May I ask what you want to do now with your future?_

_I'm also sorry that you had a rough night. I understand what you mean about smiling and laughing when you feel like it's not worthy, because of something going on in your life. Sometimes, I find that I'm stopping myself from fully enjoying a moment or laughing too hard because I feel guilty as well. I still find it unfair that Naveen isn't here, but I am._

_Okay that was heavy, so let's move on to something positive...like you discovering art! It's so beautiful and sometimes breathtaking and I really hope you share your experiences with me! I would love to share some of my favorite paintings as well!_

_Secret number two was never fulfilled by you. Yes, this is a thing now. I will only reveal another secret though if you tell me another one. I promise I won't tell! Lol_

_-The Photographer_


	9. Chapter 9

  
Regina didn't want to seem too needy or desperate and she definitely didn't want to come off as the lonely widow, so she waited until the following morning to respond to Emma's previous email. She isn't sure if the woman has started working again, but an idea struck her when the blonde mentioned she's a photographer. She really thinks this will help with Emma's boredom, hopefully the woman accepts.

Hopefully Regina didn't overstep, but all of that can wait because there is a more pressing issue at the moment.

"So, what do you think about my proposal, daddy?" Regina timidly prompts for him to speak, because he has yet to say a word.

He's still intently reading over the packet she printed for him, his bushy white eyebrows furrowed in concentration while his thumb and index finger mindlessly stroke the stubble upon his chin. He hums softly to himself, turning back a page as a thought occurs and it creates a prickly sensation to invade every inch of her body.

He's always been a quiet man, stoic...stern. She never cared if she disappointed her mother, she knew the woman always loved her no matter what. But because her father was always so reserved, she craved to prove herself, her worth. She knows he loves her and Zelena very much, it's evident by the way he smiles at them and hugs them close, like he's terrified of letting the world get its hands on them. He just doesn't say much.

He suddenly exhales loudly, his finger scratching his upper lip, beneath his nose. His big brown eyes slowly crawl away from the papers laid out, her hopes and dreams for a new future exposed and waiting for her father's stamp of approval.

"Are you sure about this, my dear?" He investigates in a stern tone, but his eyes are so soft and inspire her heart to sag in relief.

"Yes, I am very sure."

He nods slowly, his gaze dropping back down to the papers and it takes everything in Regina to remain calm and not shoot up from her chair and demand an answer already. She's only been sitting there for an hour and a half, in almost complete silence after her fifteen minute speech.

"Why haven't you spoken to your mother about this? I believe she should be here as well."

She exhales all her trepidation to sound calm when she answers this. "Mother has been...hovering lately. She is constantly obsessing over every move I make. She nearly lost her damn mind when I sold the firm. She doesn't trust my judgement right now, but if I could get you on my side, maybe she will accept this plan before dismissing it without a fair chance."

He nods again, slower this time, contemplating her words and allowing them to roll around in his head.

"I will speak to her," he finally says after what feels like a lifetime.

"So, is that a yes to my proposal?" She inquires, holding her breath in case there's a sharp blow that steals her breath away.

He drags his eyes away from the paperwork and finally meets her wide eyes, right away she spots the mirth twinkling in those big orbs. He doesn't answer, he simply nods once and she is leaping from her chair and wrapping her arms around his neck like she did when she was a tiny little thing and he would come home from work, smelling so fruity.

"Thank you. Thank you, daddy," she whispers, burying her face into the crook of his neck and relaxing when he holds her close. It was always a promise to give his all and protect her from the cruel world.

And she knows it's also a silent apology that the world still found her and broke her in a way he hoped never would.

Very slowly, she slips away and gathers up the papers to place them neatly for her mother. "Alright, I should be heading home."

"You could stay. How about a slice of cheesecake and a cup of coffee?" He kindly offers and it's so hard to say no to that gentle tone.

"Alright, one piece. Mom says you need to watch your weight and the calories loaded in one piece-"

"Okay, okay," he chuckles, holding up his hands in surrender. "One piece."

~~~~

_Dear Fine Arts Enthusiast,_

_I have been to the MET, like any New Yorker, but I'm looking for something more simple, yet explodes with passion. Maybe you can recommend something._

_You asked what I would like to do with my future, I am working on that, but I don't want to jinx it, so maybe it will be a secret I reveal in a few weeks if I can get the ball rolling._

_Now, for you, I know you have mentioned on several occasions that you are bored. Have you started working again?_

_I suppose it's my turn for a secret. I will never admit this out loud, because I refuse to allow another reason for sympathy in everyone's eyes, but I loathe the scars the accident left behind. I have never felt self-conscious in my life, until now._

_-Regina Mills_

Emma frowns from the last paragraph, her heart aching in response. She wonders if the scar on Regina's lip is from the accident. Yes, she noticed it, almost immediately, but she remembers thinking how absolutely sexy it was. She can't tell her that though, she is sure that would be crossing some kind of embarrassing and highly inappropriate line that she could never come back from.

She sighs, reading the email over one more time before she decides what she would like to say. She doesn't necessarily know this woman, but she's really starting to feel like she is getting there and she has this inkling that Regina has always been so deep in her studies that she has never really stopped to smell the roses, so to speak. With Emma's medical history, that's all she has ever done. She always makes sure that she doesn't take one moment for granted and to appreciate the beauty in everything.

Her new goal, opening up Regina's world, expand her horizon.

"Why are you smirking?" Ruby interrogates with far too much amusement lacing her words.

"I'm not smirking," Emma quickly declares, attempting to wipe away the grin taking over her entire face, but she fails miserably. She no longer has control over her lips and cheeks when reading one of Regina's emails.

"You're right, you're not smirking, because that's at least subtle. No, you're grinning like the dentist left the laughing gas on for _way_ too long!"

"Shut up," she scoffs, but for some strange reason, her smile spreads even further into her cheeks.

"Oh my god, are you blushing?" Ruby practically shrieks, bouncing on the cushion from the opposite end of the couch.

Emma sinks further down into the couch, attempting to hide away her face and praying that she becomes one with the couch to stop her own mortification.

"I am not blushing," she growls, placing her phone directly in front of her face to hide away the heat that is staining her cheeks...it's just warm in there. Definitely not blushing.

"What's on the phone that's been stealing your attention all morning?" Ruby interrogates, lunging across the couch to sneak a peek.

Well, much to Emma's shock, Ruby actually plucks the phone right out of her grasp. "No, Rubes," she whines, scrambling up from her lounging position, but Ruby is already across the couch again with her never-ending giraffe legs stretched out to block Emma from stealing the phone back.

"You're talking to Regina?" Ruby questions, sounding, quite frankly, baffled, especially by the frown that's starting to mold around her mouth.

"Maybe," Emma mumbles, snatching her phone back in a haste.

"Isn't that...kinda...weird?"

"Why would it be weird?"

"Because I see that stupid grin that's now embedded-"

"Don't," Emma firmly interjects, shooting her friend a fiery death glare that should melt the words right off Ruby's tongue. "Don't even start."

"Okay, if this is all so normal then how come you haven't mentioned it?" Ruby snarks, bitterly folding her arms across her chest.

"Because we _just_ started talking and decided that maybe having a pen-pal would be best for both of us."

"Why?" Her friend incredulously fires back.

"To break up the monotony of life." Emma takes a deep breath and finally offers Ruby her undivided attention. "We are both going through some stuff and have been feeling down...this is something that helps break up the day to day."

"I thought that's what Neal and I are for? We've been coming here almost every day to hang out after work."

"And I appreciate that, I do. It's just...different with Regina. She doesn't _know_ me, so there isn't that underlying layer of constant worry like there is with my friends and family."

"Alright, I guess I get that," Ruby murmurs, still regarding Emma skeptically with her arms folded and a pitiful pout on her lips. "And I assume you haven't told your parents."

"There's nothing to tell."

"Right."

~~~~

_Dear Ordinary New Yorker,_

_The MET is cool and all, but I think we need to broaden your horizons. Maybe when some pop-up art shows happen, we could find one and get lost in the beauty of scrap metal. However, it seems to me like maybe you need to appreciate the beauty in something as simple as an apple tree. (See what I did there? You love apple pies, wink, wink.)_

_I haven't started work again. I really want to, because I know I could use the distraction, but I had put my little business on hold and it's kind of hard jumping back in again. Most of my clients I would find at weddings or word of mouth from a friend and since I haven't worked in five months, my name has kind of disappeared I guess. I still have my website up and running, but it's been quiet lately._

_Secret number three, I lost my virginity in the back of my car when I was seventeen and it was very anticlimactic._

_-Emma_

Regina snorts, her coffee sputtering out of her mouth before she has any control over it, but thankfully not a soul is around to witness the debacle. "Dammit." Her sister would never let her live it down. She quickly stretches across her counter to retrieve a napkin and wipe up the mess she created at her kitchen island. And even her phone apparently. She rolls her eyes at herself.

She reads the email over again and decides now is the perfect opportunity to make her offer.

_Dear Misguided Romancer of Cars,_

_If you are insinuating that I need to visit an apple orchard to expand my knowledge on art, then you will be gravely disappointed when I inform you that I have been to one, on several occasions. Maybe you aren't the art enthusiast that I expected, hence the name change._

_I have a business proposition for you to busy your mind. I spoke with my niece, Robin (the one you briefly met) and she had mentioned wanting family pictures taken, now that Hunter is getting older. I know you are not keen on being in crowded places right now and she had said that she wants to do a shoot at my parents' farmhouse in New Jersey. If you are willing to endure the two hour travel, she would love to meet one day, preferably during the week. If you are interested, I could pass along your email, if not, it's quite alright, she has no problem searching for someone in Jersey. No pressure._

_Secret number three, I will see your first time in a car and raise you, losing my virginity in a barn, with a horse five feet away...judging me._

_-Regina Mills_

It isn't long before Regina receives an email with nothing more than one sentence asking if Emma can call her. At first, Regina feels a tightness in her chest that she can't really comprehend, but she doesn't have time to dissect that sensation and analyze it because her fingers are happily typing away her phone number and pressing send.

Her body breaks out in a cold sweat and again, she's finding the reflexive action rather troubling. There's this tiny whisper somewhere in the far back of her brain, stuffed away with mindless data like who her teachers were back in high school, it's there where a ghost is taunting her. Informing her that she only reacts this way to Emma because that woman possesses her husband's heart.

But then her phone rings, her eyes skating down to see the random number lighting up her screen and her body sags in what feels like relief, comfort.

"Hello?"

"Um...hi," comes the gentle and timid voice from the other end and persuades Regina's lips to blossom into a broad smile.

"How are you?"

"I'm good," the blonde sings in a teasing tone. "How are you?"

"Adequate," she deadpans, inspiring her new friend to bark out a wholesome laugh that coincidentally makes Regina's blood rush with a type of warmth she hasn't felt in three long months.

But it vanishes quickly because she's always so damn cold now.

"Are you always so proper?"

"Are you always so nosy?"

"Yes."

"Then yes," Regina smoothly says, earning herself another chuckle.

"Right. So, um...are you serious about your niece? She really wants family photos? Or are you just saying this because you feel bad for my plummeting career?"

A low, throaty chuckle escapes Regina's smiling mouth before she can stop herself. "No, dear, this isn't some pity party. She had mentioned it when I saw her at the Doughnut Plant. The woman who did her wedding photos as well as Hunter's newborn pictures has moved away. So, I spoke with her after you had mentioned you were a photographer."

"Oh, nice. Thank you. That's really cool of you. Um, so yeah...I would love to do it. I'm sure she would like to see my work first, I can text you my website. I don't want her to feel obligated, so I want her to look at my stuff first, you know?"

"Understandable." And then there's a heavy pause and Regina feels like Emma is holding her breath as much as she is, but she hasn't a clue as to why they are both being so damn foolish.

"Great!" And Regina distinctly hears a door clicking shut from the other end of the line. "So," and the blonde drags out the small word for as long as her lungs can possibly manage. "How has your day been going?"

Regina breathes out a small laugh through her nose because she was expecting so much more from the build up. It was very _anticlimactic_.

"Pretty well, actually," she hums, sliding off her stool to sweep across her kitchen and refill her now cold coffee. "I went to visit with my father today. We had a nice conversation."

"Oh good, I'm glad you're keeping busy. Did you have to drive to Jersey?"

"Yes, but the traffic wasn't too bad, I managed to escape before rush-hour."

"So, has your mom been making the commute every day? I don't know why I sound so surprise, my mom would do the same," she deadpans and Regina imagines the blonde rolling those big, green, doe eyes in annoyance.

"Yes, well, on Friday's she just stays through the weekend and then during the week she and my sister were trading off."

" _Were_? Does that mean they have finally moved out?"

"No," she disapprovingly growls, "not necessarily." Carefully she carries her mug to the living room where she can relax on the couch instead of the kitchen stool. "However, my mother has only been staying on the weekends now and my sister randomly pops in during the week."

"Hey, that sounds like a win to me," Emma cheerfully replies, before her tone drops to a hushed whisper. "I love my parents, I really do, but I need to find my own place again."

"How long have you been living with them?"

"It's officially been one year...oh god, I have to get out before it becomes permanent," Emma says, but her laugh is too bubbly to take seriously.

"Did you live in Manhattan as well before you moved in with your parents?" Regina inquires before turning on the electric fireplace and sipping her coffee to warm her bones.

She briefly wonders when the lonely house will start to warm up again?

"I actually lived in Boston, but Manhattan has one of the best transplant hospitals, so you know my parents wouldn't have it any other way."

"I bet," she whispers, her mind conjuring an image of the blonde. She only met the woman twice, but Emma's awkward mannerisms are imprinted in her mind and she can just picture her sitting with her legs folded, shrugging so nervously with a sheepish grin playing at the corner of her mouth. "I'm not sure if we discussed this before, but I don't recall you mentioning siblings."

"Oh no, just me. I-I think my parents had a lot on their plate with me and that's why they never tried for another. I was too much to handle with all my surgeries." 

"Have you asked them that? Maybe they were actually scared of having another baby with the same heart defects."

"Maybe?" And the uncertainty in Emma's voice forces Regina's heart to curl in on itself. "They always say, I'm all they need. I don't think that's true though, they were the fairytale story, high school sweethearts and all, but I really think they wanted more kids."

"If they _really_ wanted to, they would have."

"Maybe. So, what about you? Just the one sister?" Emma quickly changes the subject and the lightness in her voice is back again, allowing Regina's heart to relax once more.

"Yes, her name is Zelena and she is the oldest," Regina mischievously acknowledges, encouraging her friend to chuckle into the line.

"Alright, alright, I'll remember that. So, since we are on the topic...how old _are_ you?"

"I just turned forty in February." And Emma belts out an obnoxious laugh that contorts Regina's face into a scowl. "What is so funny, Miss Swan?" She bitterly investigates.

"You had to slide in there that you _just_ turned forty, huh? Was it a rough number to hit?"

"Lets just say that it did partake in my self-evaluation that lead to the drastic change in my life."

"Are you referring to selling your company?" Emma asks and she sounds so much younger...well, Regina has yet to learn her age.

"Yes. Now, since you brought it up, it's only fair that you divulge on your age."

"I'm thirty, and I'll even tell you I was born October twenty-third since you gave away your month," Emma playfully teases.

"Ah, a Scorpio and I'm an Aquarius. We will never be compatible, we are both too strong-willed," Regina deadpans, but she's certain she can hear Emma's lips cracking into a smile.

" _Or_ , we are so strong-willed that we will never give up on each other."

Regina's teasing smirk blooms into a full, beautiful smile. She reaches for the remote to her fireplace and turns it off before she snuggles into her couch and proceeds with her easy conversation with Emma Swan.

And for the first time in three months, she's warm all over.


	10. Chapter 10

  
Two weeks. That's fourteen days gone in the blink of an eye and not one has left without Regina Mills' presence. Every day Emma and Regina spend their hours constantly texting one another. And yes, Emma has sat back and wondered how this became such a frequent thing because really, she doesn't even text Ruby this much. It's just that her conversations with Regina flow so easily and most days, the topics dribble into the next day. It's not like they are texting each other good night every evening...okay, maybe on occasion that happens. And maybe they do say good morning every day, but it's proper etiquette.

That's what Emma keeps telling herself at least.

Anyways, two weeks of nonsense babbles, discussing their routine days and Emma sending lots of gifs while Regina sends lots of the same emoji rolling their eyes. And Emma loves every minute of it. Her cheeks are now getting a better workout than the rest of her body from smiling so damn hard.

They are now approaching May and Emma is ecstatic to jump back into work. Even if it is only one shoot with Regina's niece, she's hoping this will open up the doors to some new clientele. According to Regina, Robin and her wife, Alice, own their own cupcake shop in SoHo that sees a lot of traffic. So, hopefully Emma's name will spread by word of mouth.

She prefers to take her pictures outside right after the sun rises, she knows that's the best lighting, but she couldn't ask the couple with their baby to meet at six in the morning. So, she told them to meet her at seven, so she had to be up extra early this morning. Earlier than she has been up in a very long time to make the drive to New Jersey on time.

And the entire drive, her stomach was parading around with a swarm of overly energetic butterflies that wouldn't quit. She really hasn't met the couple besides bumping into Robin for all of one whole minute and she just needs this shoot to be perfect. She needs her name out there again. She even came up with a cute idea to tie in with their business and hopefully those pictures will one day be decorating the shop's walls as an advertisement for Emma's business.

It's quarter to seven when her GPS informs her that she has arrived at her destination. "What?" She mumbles to herself, her brows pinching together as she leans across her center console and peers out the window. "This can't be right," she mutters, quickly fumbling for her phone and checking her address again, because she has found herself in front of a wine vineyard.

She opens the email she received from Robin and checks the address three times to make sure she didn't accidentally type something in wrong. She definitely didn't. Her eyes snap back up to assess the immaculate green grass that travels on for miles, surrounding a rustic building dressed with breathtaking vibrant flowers and shrubbery. And sure enough, she reads a sign that says, Mills Vineyard.

"A little heads up would have been nice, Mills," she mumbles under her breath.

Very slowly, she pulls her bug into a parking spot and tries not to dwell on the fact that these people clearly are wealthy and can make or break her career. She immediately shakes that thought away, steels her nerves and exits her car with all the confidence she can possibly muster up.

She takes a moment when she steps out into the crisp morning air, allowing her eyes to soak up the scenery that belongs in a painting. She smiles to herself, because she knows today is going to be a beautiful day by the deep color of blue sweeping across the sky. There's a sweet aroma lingering in the air, maybe from all the flowers that look like their pedals were painted with neon colors for how vibrant they are, or maybe it's the massive expanse of grapes dangling from the vines, or maybe it's the enormous apple tree in front of a stunning log cabin to the left, that's actually a mansion. Either way, Emma breathes it all in and reminds herself how wonderful it is to be alive.

There's an adorable giggle echoing through the morning air that catches Emma's attention. She cranes her neck, peeking over her shoulder just in time to witness Hunter wobbling toward her car, her blonde curls bouncing and her ocean blue eyes sparkling the whole way. Her two blonde mothers are in tow, hand in hand, grinning just as wide. Emma doesn't even think twice as she holds up her phone and captures the moment. She doesn't even care that it's not taken with her camera, she knows she can still make the picture beautiful with her talent in editing.

"Good morning," Robin calls, grinning from ear to ear and Emma immediately relaxes from her kind tone.

"Good morning!" She hollers back before she shoves her seat forward and gathers her bag of equipment.

She slings her bag over her shoulder and quickly scrubs her sweaty palms against her black jeans before she shakes her client's hands.

"Emma, this is my wife, Alice. Alice, this is Emma," Robin politely introduces them before she swoops up her toddler and attacks that chubby cheek with playful kisses.

Emma quickly thrusts her hand forward and Alice is already meeting her halfway. "Right, it's so lovely to finally meet you. You're the one that has Naveen's old ticker, right?"

Emma swallows thickly, her nerves bubbling right back up to the surface. That is until she hears Robin's carefree laugh behind Alice.

"Don't mind her, she has no filter," Robin announces through another chuckle that brushes away a fraction of Emma's nerves.

"Umm, yeah. That's me," she awkwardly answers, gripping the strap on her bag awfully tight while her left hand rubs away the slickness against her palm once again.

Then, there's an echo of a screen door snapping shut that steals Emma's attention away, dragging her eyes toward that massive log cabin once more. And then her heart does that flutter once again, like it's doing some kind of happy tap dance and she hasn't felt that strong of a flutter since she met Regina for the first time at Granny's. Suddenly, her mouth is filling with saliva and her palms are sweating even more than before and she wonders where all this moisture is coming from?

Regina slowly steps down the porch, a rather large cup of coffee cradled in her hands and a shy smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. She's wearing a rather large white, knit sweater that falls mid-thigh with a pair of black leggings and leather black boots that almost reach her knees. Emma quite literally stops breathing. She almost forgot how beautiful this woman is. _Almost_. Because Regina is the kind of beautiful that Emma swore only existed in movies, that kind of sexy that really should be illegal because it's just not fair that a human is that gorgeous.

"Good morning, Emma," Regina quietly greets her as she sashays through the glowing green grass and dammit, Emma wishes she could sneak a picture.

"Hey! I didn't know you would be here," and god she wishes her voice didn't have to crack every damn time she's nervous.

"Yes, well, we had a family dinner here last night and I needed to speak with my parents, so I decided to stay the night and not drive back so late," Regina explains, all while Emma notices her own cheeks are becoming awfully sore and maybe she hasn't been stretching them as much as she thought.

Yes, she has been grinning like a damn fool for the past two weeks from simply texting Regina, but now that she's here in person, Emma is sure there isn't a word to express how giddy her heart feels and how wide her grin is.

"Oh, cool. It's good to see you."

"It's nice to see you too," Regina says before moving slowly to sip her coffee and those beautiful chestnut eyes never leave Emma's sappy face over the rim. "Mind if I tag along and watch the Art Enthusiast, herself, at work?"

"Not at all," Emma muses, hitching her bag a little higher upon her shoulder. "Although, I believe you demoted me to Misguided Romancer of Cars," she teases, winning herself a throaty chuckle that does all kinds of weird things to her gut. "Maybe after this I'll win my title back?"

"Maybe," Regina purrs coyly.

All while Robin and Alice observe silently with two matching grins and wide eyes twinkling with amusement.

~~~~~

Regina is perched on the thick wooden fence surrounding her parents' home, observing from afar as Emma adjusts and molds the family exactly how her mind imagines them. She inhales sharply, her eyes drifting across the acres of land and she tries to recall, but she doesn't exactly remember, the last time she allowed herself to be so carefree. When was the last time she climbed on this fence and just admired the vineyard?

She hasn't the slightest clue.

And it's all because her line of work was so hectic, so demanding, so damn draining that she became a different person entirely.

A rapid movement off in the distance steals her attention, her eyes immediately latching onto the new blonde, who is tossing her hair up into a ponytail in a haste. Her eyes roam over the woman once again, appreciating the black jeans that mold Emma's curves perfectly from how form fitting they are. But then her eyes sweep up to the suspenders and she swallows just as roughly as she did earlier that morning when she greeted Emma and discovered her ensemble.

A heat simmers low in her abdomen and she finds the sensation rather odd. Yes, she can appreciate a beautiful woman. She has never had a problem stating when a woman is beautiful in a movie, but this feels different and truthfully, it's throwing her off balance. She tilts her head to the side, assessing the woman again and she can't help but linger when those full blonde curls spill out of her ponytail and bounce over those suspenders.

And never has she ever noticed how sexy suspenders are on a woman...until now.

She ducks her head down, allowing her hair to fall and hide away the heat that sizzled in her gut and is now boiling and bubbling up to stain her cheeks. Yet, her eyes are intrigued, immediately peeking through her lashes to observe as Emma allows her camera to dangle around her neck.

Emma drops to her knees in the grass and carefully pulls out a container from her duffel bag. She slowly opens the box and offers a sneak peek to Hunter and the eighteen-month-old practically glows with excitement. Then there's this contagious giggle swimming through the warm morning air and it's definitely not the toddler's. It's an explosion of a hearty chuckle at first that quickly morphs into the type of giggle that makes it almost impossible to breathe.

And Regina doesn't recognize her own laugh anymore, but she is definitely joining in from afar.

Emma suddenly presses the tip of the green frosting against Hunter's nose and the baby grins even wider. Alice and Robin are behind Emma, watching intently as the photographer places the cupcake in Hunter's chubby hands. Very slowly, Emma scoots back and quickly snaps a picture. She shields the little screen on the back of her camera and checks the picture before she's back to snapping a few more pictures.

Then, Emma settles on her stomach in the grass and allows Hunter to go crazy with her cupcake, rapidly snapping too many pictures to actually count. Emma must say something to Robin because she kneels beside Emma and says something that Regina can't hear, but she watches as Hunter reaches for her mother, a fistful of cupcake and Emma is capturing the moment, her camera tilting and ensuring every angle.

Then Emma is repositioning the family, Robin sitting with one leg propped up and Alice in front of her with their baby in her lap. Robin is leaning over Alice's shoulder and Hunter is trying to offer her mommy more of the messy treat and Emma is there, not missing a single moment. And the blonde is very much in her element.

It isn't much longer when they all stand and speak for a few minutes while Hunter finishes her treat. Emma shakes Robin's hand, then packs away all her equipment. She slings her bag over her shoulder and struts confidently to where Regina is still admiring her. Regina vaguely notices that Robin is leading her family back inside because those damn suspenders have stolen her attention again.

"Hey," Emma starts off.

"Hey." And Regina isn't quite sure why, but her fingers are curling abnormally tight into the wood holding her up.

"Do you think I won the Art Enthusiast title back?" Her friend muses, offering this lopsided grin that creates an adorable dimple in her cheek.

"I don't know," she drawls slowly, hopping down from the fence. "I need to see the final product before I promise anything," she teases, earning herself a pout that should be illegal from how cute it is. "Don't pout, dear," she scolds, "you're an adult."

"Eh," Emma wobbles her head from left to right. "I wouldn't go _that_ far." Regina rolls her eyes, dipping her head low to hide the smile that's trying to steal away her facial expression of impassive. "You know, a heads up about your parents owning a vineyard would have been nice."

"I didn't think it was of importance," she indifferently replies, shrugging her shoulders carelessly.

"This place is beautiful by the way."

Regina finally glances back up to observe the blonde scanning the acres. "Are you in a rush to get back home?" She finds her mouth blurting out before her brain can decide what is appropriate for their new friendship.

"No, not at all," Emma declares, her adorable smile spreading further into her cheeks.

"Would you like a tour?"

"Yeah, that would be great." And then this woman shoves her hands into her front pockets, her shoulders rising excitedly while she sports the goofiest grin ever and Regina feels that warmth that she has been longing for, all over again.

"We can place your bag inside and then I will show you around."

"Great!"

Regina peeks through her lashes to find the woman beaming at her, so she offers a small smile, tucks a piece of hair behind her ear and leads the way back to her parents' home. Her mind is a mess though, cluttered by darkening thoughts of Naveen because her body is reacting to this blonde again in ways she thought would have subsided by now. She thought after speaking to Emma every day for two weeks, that she would no longer feel this tingling buzz in her blood. She thought the initial reaction was because this woman is connected to her husband and maybe...somehow, their hearts can still feel the connection.

But this feeling is still very much present and well, she's not sure how to navigate through these treacherous waters.

"So, how long have your parents owned this place?" Emma pipes up, probably to end the miserable silence between them.

"Thirty-five years."

"Oh wow. So, you grew up here?"

"Yes," Regina whispers as she opens the front screen door for Emma.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome," she curtly answers and closes the door behind them.

Then comes the boisterous clatter that usually fills this home. She tenses for a moment, slightly embarrassed because the only person she has ever invited into this home was Naveen. Her mother and sister are very...well, loud, there's no other way to describe them and Alice and Hunter fit right in with them and Robin usually follows whatever company she is with. Whereas Regina and her father have always been more reserved.

"Sorry, my family can be..."

"No need to apologize. It's better than my house. It's always," and Emma inhales sharply like she's almost embarrassed to reveal her truth as she carefully drops her bag. "So quiet. I wish I had siblings and other family members to fill the silence."

"Well, we shall see how you feel _after_ you meet them."

"You want me to meet your parents?" Emma balks, her face blushing instantly, sending a rock of humiliation to weigh heavily upon Regina's gut.

"I apologize if that makes you uncomfortable. After Robin had asked to take pictures on the property, the entire family knew you were coming and were all very curious...considering."

"Oh, right. Yeah, of course."

"If you're not comfortable, we can-"

"No, no, it's fine. I'm fine. Parents love me," Emma beams like a small child and Regina has to roll her eyes to distract her mouth from curling into another smile.

"A bit too cocky before meeting mine," Regina deadpans, before stepping around the blonde and leading the way to the kitchen, where she can smell her mother's baking.

The air is warm and cozy, filled with the crisp aroma of apples, mixed with the tangy spice of cinnamon. It's home and her body instantly relaxes from the familiarity of it all, but her mind is whispering, reminding her that it's been a decade since she stopped visiting frequently. However, she's realizing that in the past month, she hasn't been able to stay away.

The moment she crosses the threshold to the kitchen, every sound vanishes from existence and she's sure every single person can hear how hard her heart is hammering.

She clears her throat, trying to ignore the way Emma is fidgeting beside her until she shoves her hands into her back pockets. "Everyone," she acknowledges, all eyes on her already, "this is Emma Swan. Emma, you know Robin and Alice. That's my sister, Zelena," Regina introduces, pointing to the redhead who is sitting at the kitchen table with her family, wickedly smirking at Emma. "And that's my mother, Cora and my father, Henry," she says, gesturing toward the couple busy at the counter with baking an apple pie.

"Hi," is what squeaks out of Emma's obvious dry throat. She produces an audible gulp before she is quickly rushing forward to Henry first, taking Regina by utter surprise. "It's nice to meet you, Mr. Mills," and this time she sounds more confident and in control of her mouth. She politely extends her hand and Regina's father doesn't even hesitate to take it. "Your vineyard is beautiful, well, what I've seen so far. Regina is about to give me a tour."

Henry nods politely as stoic as ever. "It's nice to meet you, dear," he softly murmurs as Emma's hand slips away to find Cora's instead.

Cora quickly wipes her hands on her apron and accepts the gesture as well. "Nice to meet you," Cora coldly answers, forcing Regina's spine to straighten because she knows her mother well enough to know she is always very short and snippy when meeting new people. The woman is always standing on guard to protect her family from riff-raff that doesn't have her family's best interest at heart. "I understand that you are the donor recipient, you have my son-in-law's heart, correct?"

And everyone in the damn room _knows_ this, but obviously her mother needs to make a show of it, make a point of something Regina is clueless to.

"Yes, I do. I'm really sorry for everyone's loss-"

"Emma," Regina quickly interrupts, stealing the blonde's attention and persuading panicked green eyes to meet her gaze. "Please, stop apologizing."

"Right."

And then the room is blanketed by that awful silence all over again. It's so painfully quiet that Regina is sure everyone could hear an ant crawl across the damn floor.

"I heard you're funny," Zelena cheekily chimes in. "Tell us a joke."

"I'm...what?" Emma stammers, her cheeks blushing profusely and Regina finds the stain quite endearing on the younger woman. "I'm not funny at all. Regina's the funny one," she comments, inspiring every set of eyes to jump toward Regina, who is still lingering in the doorway.

"Regina?" Zelena quacks, an amused chuckle bouncing off the walls and assaulting everyone's ears. "She lost her sense of humor sometime in high school, haven't seen that thing since," she cackles, cranking up the heat in Regina's system and causing her blood to boil.

"Oh, do shut up," Regina scoffs, rolling her eyes before latching onto Emma's amused gaze. "I believe this ends the tour of meeting my dysfunctional family."

"M'kay," Emma murmurs, rushing back to Regina's side. "It was really nice meeting you all."

"You too!" Zelena over-enthusiastically cheers while Regina's parents regard the new comer intently.

Regina spins around on her heels and in a haste rushes out the door with Emma trailing behind in her footsteps. The very second they are out onto the front porch and away from prying ears, Regina releases the breath she was holding the entire time.

"I'm sorry about them. My mother is always cold with everyone she meets."

"Regina, it's fine. Really. I'm not even worried about her, it's your dad. He's got that whole strong and silent type thing going on and it's the quiet ones you gotta watch out for. He's probably already having a background check done on me, huh?" Emma playfully teases, easing the worries from Regina's tense shoulders.

She offers a small smile, so thankful that her family didn't scare the woman away. "Most likely," she muses, persuading the blonde's smile to stretch even further into her cheeks. "How about that tour?"

"Sounds great!" Regina nods and leads the way, around the wrap around porch, toward the back where perfectly aligned rows of vines are stretching as far as the eye can see. Emma quickly pipes up though to fill the silence between them. "So, your sister is a redhead."

Regina's face instantly scrunches into bewilderment. "What an odd thing to say."

"Oh, it's just that you have such dark hair and dark eyes and it's hard not to notice how much you resemble your parents. Your sister has really bright blue eyes and red hair, I was just wondering where she gets it from," Emma casually explains, shrugging so innocently.

"Her father."

"Wait, what? Zelena isn't your real sister?"

"Of course she's my _real_ sister," she quickly defends, provoking Emma's mouth to open to further explain, but Regina proceeds. "Biologically, Zelena has a different father, but to us, that doesn't mean a thing. We were raised together."

"I didn't mean anything by it. I'm sorry, I was just curious."

"There's no need to apologize," Regina flippantly says as they continue down the path toward the vines, both gazing down at their feet awkwardly. "My father raised Zelena, in fact, they only told her the truth when she was older and made the same connection you did."

Emma nods along as they step onto a dirt path between the most beautiful and vibrant vines filled with grapes that are quite small right now. Automatically, their feet slow down to admire the beauty of it all.

"Has Zelena ever met her father?" Emma curiously asks, her fingers reaching out to touch before she stops and flicks her attention to Regina for permission.

Regina smiles softly and plucks a grape right off the vine before popping it into her mouth with a mischievous little grin that encourages Emma to do the same. And this woman's face contorts into the cutest grimace that coaxes a small chuckle to escape Regina. To her credit, Emma tries to be discreet as she scowls and pulls the seeds from her mouth.

"The grapes won't be ready until August to be harvested for the wine," she explains before answering Emma's previous question. "And no, Zelena has never met the man. Apparently, my mother was casually dating my father after her boyfriend, Jonathon, had dumped her, again. She had found out she was pregnant and tried to break things off with my father, knowing they had never been intimate and it was Jonathon's baby. However, the hopeless romantic that my father is, was already in love with my mother and didn't give a damn about whose DNA her baby had. He has raised Zelena since birth, she knows no other father."

"Your dad sounds like a pretty amazing man."

"He's spectacular. Yes, he's reserved, but he has the biggest heart."

"Hmmm...must run in the family," Emma cheekily replies, grinning wildly and Regina instantly feels her cheeks warming, so she drops her gaze back to the comfort of the ground. "So, did you have to pluck these as a chore when you were a kid?" She questions, stopping in the middle to inspect the bunches of grapes dangling before them.

"Technically, we had employees that did that, but that didn't stop our family from coming out to do some of the labor at times."

"This place is gorgeous and _huge!_ I've always been a city girl, but I'm kinda jealous. I bet this place was so much fun to run around and explore as a kid. I bet back then, everything seemed enormous," Emma wistfully rambles while Regina observes her closely, somewhat in awe by the way this blonde finds beauty in the simplest of things, because her nose was always too busy, stuck in a book to appreciate such things.

"Sometimes," Regina admits as they step out of the vines and near the back of their property where her favorite place as a child comes into view. "Most times people come here for a small getaway and stay through the weekend at the hotel, so we weren't really allowed to explore the property too much when guests were here. Except for this spot, this was just for our family," Regina explains, nodding up head.

Emma beams beside her. "Is this _thee_ barn where that mean horse judged you?" And she manages to glue the sentence together without laughing, but Regina chuckles softly and nods along.

"Yes, this is where all the magic happened," she deadpans, guiding her new friend into the barn.

"I've never been in a barn before."

"What?" And Regina is sure her face is expressing just how shocked she truly is by the confession.

"Like I said, city girl. And really, you think my parents would ever put me on some big, smelly, dirty, wild animal and risk damaging me even further?" She scoffs, but there's amusement dancing around in her tone.

"If Rocinante were still alive he would be very offended by your choice of words."

"Roc-who?" Emma squawks, snapping her neck to meet Regina's eyes, but unexpectedly, that is not where her eyes land.

Regina's entire body rushes with a fiery wave when she notices Emma's eyes on her lips, but she tells herself that the woman is simply observing to catch the name better. "Rocinante," she repeats. "He was our family horse when I was a child. He was so gentle and so loving."

"Was he the bastard who judged you?" Emma teases.

"To be fair, he watched me grow up and was not ready to witness such an act," Regina playfully muses right back.

"Ah," Emma nods along. "This barn is cute, I like how it's not massive like everything else on this property." Regina nods, her eyes sweeping across the lonely barn because after Rocinante passed, they never found another horse and this barn has been very...empty. "So, how was losing your virginity on a pile of hay?"

"Probably as thrilling as losing it shoved in the back seat of a tiny bug."

Emma snorts, those dazzling green eyes glistening with mirth. "Yeah, it was pretty awful. I think I was holding my breath the whole time...which was all of three pumps before he exploded. Good times."

Regina really tries not to bark out an unladylike laugh, and in the process of holding the chuckle in, she practically snorts, somewhere in the back of her throat.

"Don't even act like yours lasted longer," Emma chuckles, her foot coming up to lean back against the wooden planks that once was Rocinante's home.

"The only reason it may have, was because he kept stopping between each thrust to make sure I was okay."

"Awe, at least he was a gentleman about it." Emma tucks her thumbs into the front pockets of her jeans and smirks. "Mine flopped around like a dead fish."

And of course, Regina comprehends the joke, her mouth softly chuckling along with her friend, but her eyes are distracted by how gorgeous this woman truly is with her golden curls and those ridiculously attractive suspenders. There's something in her demeanor, the way she carries herself that makes her all the more appealing. And for a split second, Regina panics, because she hasn't felt this comfortable with another human, outside of her family, since Naveen.

"Uh, Regina...you okay?" Emma whispers, kicking off the stable and clutching onto Regina's bicep to steal her attention back.

She's mortified for a moment, she can only imagine how petrified her face must have appeared to encourage Emma to comfort her. However, she has learned how to mask her emotions in public, so she quickly clears her throat and plasters on the expression of indifference.

"Of course, I'm fine," she vacantly replies, faking a smile, but by Emma's frown, she's assuming this woman can tell she's lying. "Come along, I was saving the best for last."

"Regina, I-"

"I'm fine," she coldly cuts the blonde off, hastily extracting herself from the woman's firm grasp and strutting right out of the barn without waiting for Emma.

She rolls her eyes at herself, because in her typical Regina fashion, she pushed this woman away. She always pushes people away, it's something she's been doing for many, many years. And now, it's left an awful funk in the air as they trudge back through the vineyard, Emma sort of hanging behind her. And she knows she needs to fix it.

"Emma, I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you like that," she barely whispers the words, peeking through her eyelashes to gauge Emma's reaction.

"Hey, I get it. I'm not sure what I said back there, but I know you're still healing and I didn't mean to make you upset."

"No, no. You didn't say anything at all. But you are right. I'm still grieving and healing and...I'm not very good at the whole friend thing. I've already confessed that I never had any true friends, so my first instinct is to push people away."

Emma abruptly stops, but Regina can't stand to see sympathy in her eyes, so she keeps trekking on, that is until she feels Emma's warm fingers wrapping around her elbow and tugging her back. She swallows thickly.

"You don't have to apologize to me for your feelings. You're still hurt and trying to grieve and cope with this new normal for you. You are allowed to feel however you do. I'm not going to judge you or lash out because you are triggered by something. I'm just hoping you don't keep pushing me away, because I just...wanna be your friend," she sheepishly confesses and damn this woman for doing that adorable expression; where she scrunches up her nose and shrugs so innocently.

Regina instantly melts from the gesture.

"I know. It's just...after his passing, I _have_ been shoving people away, more than ever, especially with my family," Regina whispers, and she really wishes her eyes didn't sting right now from the unexpected tears.

"Because you think it will create a barrier to protect yourself if anything should ever happen to them?"

"Yes," she breathes, so thankful that _someone_ understands where her mindset is at after everything.

"It's okay, I get that." And Emma reaches between them and gently wipes away a single tear that escaped without Regina's consent. She's mortified, because she never cries in front of strangers, except this one seems to bring it out of her. So, she casts her eyes down and avoids the woman's pity at all cost. "But I also know, that pushing people away won't stop the ache if they should ever leave. It's very lonely and in the end you'll regret not spending as much time as you could with them."

Regina inhales sharply, allowing the words to wash over her and she knows Emma is right. She's so thankful that she did allow Naveen in and they had so many wonderful moments together that she can now look back on and cherish. If she would have pushed him away like she did with everyone else, then she wouldn't have anything to remember him by.

She carefully picks up her head to find those sparkling eyes smiling back at her and there is not one ounce of sympathy. Simply understanding in them.

"I will actively work on not shoving you away," Regina says, inspiring the most playful and adorable laughter to tumble out of Emma's pretty pink lips.

"That's a start. And I will actively stay by your side and be the best friend you have ever had."

Regina rolls her eyes at the woman's childish ways and takes the lead toward the destination she had in mind. Which is only another three feet before they are under her apple tree.

"I wish they were ready, but that won't happen until September," Regina absentmindedly mumbles as she peers up at the enormous tree swallowing them whole.

"Well, it seems to me like we have to plan for another trip in September, so I can try everything again and really judge this place."

"I think we can manage that," Regina coyly says before Emma plops down in the green grass and pats the spot beside her. "What are you doing?"

"Admiring the beauty. Take a minute, Regina, relax," she whispers so softly that Regina has no other choice but to settle down beside the woman.

"Now, what?"

"Now, we kick off our shoes, absorb the warm air and the gentle breeze, admire how pretty the sky is today and just talk."

"Seriously?" Regina incredulously balks, craning her neck to blink curiously at the woman.

And it's all because it has been over a decade where she kicked her shoes off outside and actually sat back and allowed the world to spin around her.

"Yes," Emma casually says, toeing off her black ankle boots while Regina simply blinks at her in surprise. "Oh come on," she huffs, reaching for the zipper near Regina's knees from her boots.

"What are you doing?" She squeaks, instinctively kicking her feet away from the woman's vicinity.

"Taking off your boots. Just relax," Emma exasperates as Regina jerks away again. "Will you stop being so damn difficult?" And Regina's expecting a harsh tone, but this silly blonde is starting to giggle as she wrestles against Regina's legs.

"I don't know how," Regina honestly responds, persuading Emma to belt out the most carefree chuckle.

"I see that." Emma quickly pins Regina's legs into place before she pins Regina with a stern look. "Just let me take care of you for one minute and then you can go back to being a stubborn brat."

"Ugh," Regina scoffs, but she does stop squirming and Emma flashes a smirk of triumph before she quickly peels away Regina's boots.

"There," the blonde sighs, tossing the leather boots recklessly. "Was that so bad?" She taunts, leaning back against the apple tree's thick trunk.

"Horrendous."

They both fall silent for a moment, admiring everything that Emma listed off previously; from the bright blue sky, to the gentle breeze coaxing the blades of green grass to dance near their feet. Unexpectedly, Emma pulls out her phone, encouraging Regina's eyes to slide to her right to discover the woman's camera open.

"What are you doing?" Regina softly questions as Emma slouches down and adjusts her phone to the perfect angle.

"Capturing the moment when we both had a minute to leave behind our baggage and just relax," she gently says.

And Regina leans a little closer to the warmth emitting from the younger woman, but it's strictly to observe their socked feet in the camera against a backdrop of blue sky and vibrant green grass with the rows of vines swaying in the spring breeze and it's something this simple that steals Regina's breath away.

And neither one notice Regina's family observing intently from the window.


	11. Chapter 11

  
_"And my girl is back!!!"_

Emma cannot contain the giddy grin taking over her face as she reads the comment again on Instagram from Ruby. It's been a solid year since the last time she had posted anything, but she found some motivation on her little trip to Jersey and she posted the picture of Regina's feet beside hers, against the backdrop of the vineyard. Everyone and their mother has commented on the picture, so overjoyed to see her doing well and _happy_ again.

Is she happy again?

She smirks to herself. She's getting there, that's for sure. She folds her legs on the old chair in front of her childhood desk and opens the file once again. She nibbles on her thumbnail while her right hand starts clicking away on the mouse, diving right back into editing the photos for Robin and Alice.

"Emma?" Her mother's voice lightly dances through the late afternoon air and this time, Emma doesn't scowl. "Hey," she whispers, tentatively peeking her head inside to find Emma laser focused on the computer in front of her.

"Hey," she chirps mindlessly around her thumb.

"You've been at that all day..." she mutters, stepping into the room before she breathes out a gasp. "Oh my, that one is stunning. That baby is beautiful," she gushes, bending down to catch a better glimpse over Emma's shoulder.

"I know, right? She's such a cutie. And so sweet. I couldn't believe how easy going she was, kid never cried or grew tired."

"Those eyes are so blue."

"Yeah, both her mothers have really pretty eyes," Emma comments, her mouse practically moving all on its own from the familiarity of it all. And it's so good to be working again.

"So, you came home last night rather late and you have been locked away all day working on this. You haven't told me about the job," Mary Margret gently says and Emma just knows her mother is holding her breath, hoping they can sit back and simply _talk,_ like they used to.

Emma makes a few more adjustments before she spins her chair around to meet her mother's hopeful gaze.

"It was really nice."

"Nice?" Mary Margret muses, perching herself at the edge of Emma's bed with a coy smile sliding into place.

"Yeah, nice," she breathes out, failing miserably to suppress the small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "It wasn't just some small farm, it was a freaking wine vineyard. Regina's parents owning a wine vineyard just slipped her mind," Emma proceeds through a small chuckle that has her mother visibly relaxing and smiling along.

"Ohhh, I bet it was a breath of fresh air outside of the city. I did see the picture you posted."

Emma can sense the insinuation in her tone and she knows her mom well enough to know she is fishing for more information.

"That wasn't even the half of it. You couldn't even see the gorgeous little hotel on the property for weekend getaways and you definitely couldn't see the enormous apple tree that we were leaning against."

"You and Regina," Mary Margret plainly says, but again, Emma knows she is prompting for further discussion.

"Yeah," she casually replies, shrugging one shoulder. "She gave me a tour and then we ate a small lunch at the hotel. She wouldn't let me try the wine though, apparently she did her research and reminded me that I needed to wait six months," she scoffs, but her mouth is a traitor, smirking at the memory and remembering how her heart fluttered from the concern.

Much like now, that damn organ is dancing around with far too much pep reminiscing about the brunette.

"Well, I'm glad to hear that she has your best interest at heart. I think she and I would get along very well," her mom smugly states.

"Probably, but we made a plan to go back in September, she told me the grapes and apple tree will be ripe then and we can pick them."

"Ah, so...you're going to see the woman...again?" And to Mary Margret's credit, she is trying to appear indifferent, but Emma has lived inside this woman and has spent thirty years with her.

"Why are you acting weird about it?"

"I'm not-"

"Yes, you are," she sighs heavily, folding her arms across her chest and leaning back against her chair. "But why?"

"Honey, I just want to make sure that you are careful. You both have been through a lot and I hope there isn't a misunderstanding on what either of you want out of this friendship." Emma squints at her mom, assessing her closely and convincing the woman to proceed. "Look, you are constantly talking to each other, you spend all day texting the woman. You don't even speak to Ruby that much."

"I know, it's...new and it really breaks up the day. I enjoy confiding in someone who doesn't know me so well. She can have an objective opinion, you know?"

"And I understand that, I do."

"But..."

"But the woman lost her husband and I hope she isn't blurring the lines. I hope she sees you and not just the woman who holds her husband's heart."

"It's not like that," she instantly defends, spinning back around on her chair to dive into her work once again and end the subject that is sending unnerving shivers down her spine. "We are just two people who have something to bond over and actually enjoy each other's company. That's it," she states with finality, slamming the door shut on their conversation.

"Alright, well, then I'm glad you have found a new friend." And with that, Mary Margret stands from the bed and heads for the door, but Emma can feel the way her mom is holding her breath as she pauses near the doorway. "I bumped into Mrs. Lee today," Emma inhales sharply, her eyes fluttering closed, "I told her about the transplant."

Emma runs her fingers through her hair, scratching her scalp along the way because this is the last topic she wants to unbury at the moment.

"I'm sure she was as stoic as ever," she grumbles under her breath. "I'm going to work on this a little bit more and then I'll come down for dinner, sound good?"

Her mother brightens up as if someone just plugged her in. "Oh good, I will see you soon," she cheers before she softly closes the door to allow Emma some privacy.

Emma's eyes slide back to her phone beside her laptop and she has always been a curious one, so she snatches up the device and opens her Instagram. She quickly scrolls through her notifications, pausing when she locates a comment she knew would be there after her mom's confession.

" _Beautiful as always. Hopefully you will grace us with more of your stunning work again real soon!"_

She anxiously nibbles on her bottom lip, contemplating if she should reply, but she quickly exits the app and redirects her attention back to her work.

~~~~~

_Blinding white lights engulf her, but she's clueless as to where she could possibly be. She glances from left to right for a hint as to where she is, but there is nothing but a blank canvas of pure white. It feels empty, cold, hollow and she's sure if she opens her mouth to scream, her voice would echo down the halls of nothing._

_She swallows thickly, an unnerving sensation tickling up her spine and warning her that something isn't right. She summons the courage, despite her inner panic and calls out to anyone, but not a sound escapes her. Her heart hammers in fear as she opens her mouth and attempts to scream again, but it's futile, her vocal cords are not cooperating._

_The sheer panic rises from within and she feels this alarming need to escape this endless white tunnel. So, she runs. She swings her arms and pleads with her heavy legs to run as fast as humanly possible, but something is off. She isn't sure if her body is immobile and she's not moving a single muscle or if she is running, but the infinity of whiteness is portraying the illusion of running in place._

_She stops, attempting to gasp for a clean breath of fresh air as she takes a quick scan of her surroundings once again. Everything is still bright white and for some strange reason, she feels like she is in a waiting room. Waiting for what? She hasn't a clue, but she feels like she is stuck in this place, waiting._

_She feels a gentle touch against her hand and she is sure she can hear her sister's soft whimpers. She whips her head from left to right, hoping, praying that Zelena is near, but again, she is swallowed whole by the emptiness of white. She tells her body to move, to jerk awake, anything to end this miserable prison._

_One._

_Two._

_Three._

_Wake up!_

_"Please Regina, wake up," she hears the faint whisper of her sister's voice again. "Maybe you don't want to wake up..." the words are fading away now..._

"Zelena!" Regina shouts as her body flings forward, one hand clenching the back of the couch and the other splaying across her chest to keep her pounding heart from escaping.

"Regina? What's wrong? Another nightmare?" Her sister worriedly inquires, already jumping up from her side of the couch to rush to Regina's side.

But Regina is too busy focusing on breathing to answer. She presses her hand more firmly against her raging heart and tries to breathe through the moment, but that nightmare is lingering, haunting her soul. Her sister carefully places her hand against her back and slowly rubs away the fear clinging to her skin. She's drenched in a cold sweat, even as she runs her fingers through her hair she can feel how damp her wild locks are.

And she isn't sure which nightmare is worse. The one that plays on repeat of the accident, just small fragments and clues as to what occurred or this one, where she feels like she's trapped in some white waiting room between worlds and she feels like a prisoner in her own body.

"Regina, are you ready to talk about these nightmares?" Zelena quietly questions, still soothing the tremors wracking Regina's body.

"I'm fine," she defends, but her voice is hoarse, barely audible and she isn't fooling anyone.

"You can't even take a nap on the couch for twenty minutes without something tormenting you in your sleep."

"I know," she whispers, anxiously combing her fingers through her wet hair again.

"Okay, then you need to do something about it," her sister sternly urges.

She inhales sharply, straightens her posture and finally meets her sister's concerned gaze. "This is all normal, I'm still grieving and it's expected that I have nightmares of the accident and it's even normal that I have frightening dreams regarding the coma. I'm healing. They will eventually subside," she defiantly claims, but her sister is frowning back at her, not trusting a single word.

"You're having nightmares about the coma?"

Regina shakes her head, not wanting to reveal her truth, because she still feels this need to keep everyone she loves so dearly, further than arm's reach.

"I don't know what they are," she dismissively says, abruptly standing up from the couch to wedge some distance between them.

"Please, 'Gina, this isn't healthy," her sister urgently pleads and it's been so long since Regina has heard her older sister use that nickname. She feels like curling up into a ball and crying her eyes out. "You need to see someone before you have a mental breakdown."

"That won't happen," she coldly growls, provoking Zelena to stand to her fullest height to assert her power.

"You don't know that. There is only so much a person can take mentally before they crack," Zelena declares, her voice booming from the agitation festering inside, but Regina stands her ground. As stubborn as ever. "I'm begging you, please, go see someone, let all these feelings out before you explode because you sure as hell aren't opening up to me or mom and dad."

"Fine," Regina lowly growls under her breath. "I'll find someone. Now, will you please back off?"

"Thank you," Zelena calmly says as Regina pivots and stomps away to hide in her room, just like she always does when she wants to keep a safe distance from the women in her family.

She hears her sister's sigh of disapproval, but she keeps stomping up the stairs until she is hidden from the world in the safety of her bedroom. That nightmare is still clinging to her back, whispering horrific fears about her family and causing her to shiver violently.

Truthfully, she's terrified to fall asleep anymore. She spends most of her nights fighting sleep and busying herself with texting Emma to keep herself awake. And she knows after that last nightmare, she definitely wants to avoid sleeping tonight in case she falls back into that white hole of a prison.

She shivers again.

She needs to wash away the haunting memories, so she decides an extra hot shower will do the trick. She starts slowly peeling away her clothes, that are damp from the fears pouring out of her through the twenty minute nap. Her movements feel sluggish and she knows she's utterly exhausted and probably should see someone, but she's petrified that discussing everything will open up the flood gates and she will drown in even more haunting memories.

She yanks on the handle to the shower and turns it extra hot to burn away the icky feeling crawling all over her flesh. That's the moment she hears her phone buzzing on her nightstand. So, she allows the water to warm up while she takes a moment to check her phone because she has a hunch it's Emma.

" _Okay, I don't normally send out sneak peeks until I'm almost done, but look how adorable this picture is!"_

And sure enough the most stunning picture is sent seconds later of Hunter wobbling down the hill in front of her parents' cabin, with Alice and Robin holding hands behind her, both beaming with such pride.

" _And I took that pic with my phone!"_

Regina softly chuckles at the message, her shower long forgotten about as she plops down at the edge of her bed and just smiles. A genuine smile at the enthusiasm oozing from her new friend.

"Very impressive. One step closer toward the title of Art Enthusiast."

" _Just wait, I've been working like crazy to edit these pictures because I am so freaking excited to show your niece. They are so adorable!"_

Regina grins wildly at her phone from how ecstatic Emma sounds, but also, because she did that. She set up the photo shoot and she is the reason for Emma's excitement toward her work once again. And just like that, her heart swells with pride.

"I cannot wait to see the finished product. I think Robin and Alice will have to do some redecorating in their little shop. I have a feeling those pictures deserve to be hanging on the walls."

_"Well, that was my plan! Anyways, how are you today?"_

"I'm fine," and that's all she sends because her mind is stressing about what she really wants to send.

Subconsciously, her eyes trail toward the urn still resting on Naveen's nightstand. She has yet to move his ashes. She's not sure she ever will, because most days when she's confused, she turns to him, hoping he will give her the strength to carry on.

" _Just fine...ut-oh, what's wrong?"_

She reads Emma's message and sighs heavily, internally debating with herself. She needs a distraction from tonight and the thought of sleeping, and she has come up with a way to keep her mind busy for one night. Actually, she's been thinking about it for a week now. And this idea may or may not have stemmed from the urge to see the playful blonde once again after their trip in Jersey seven days ago.

She groans to herself, treads her fingers through her unruly locks, reminding her that her shower is still running, and decides to just present the idea. Emma could always decline, but she knows in her gut that this woman wouldn't pass up the opportunity.

"Oh nothing, just a stressful day. However, I was thinking about how you said you still feel uncomfortable in crowded places."

" _I really think my mom is just getting inside my head and making me paranoid, but yeah, I would like to keep my distance right now."_

"With that being said, and I know how much of a movie-fanatic you are, what about the drive-in?"

" _That actually sounds pretty awesome! Do you want to come with me?"_

Regina smirks at her phone, apparently she didn't even have to stress about inviting the woman because Emma took the lead without a moment of hesitation between texts.

"I think I can manage that. How about tonight? The Skyline Drive In is somewhat between us and I believe I read somewhere that they are playing some classics until summer officially starts."

" _We really only need one car. How about I just pick you up and we can go together?"_

And damn her heart for skipping a beat, but she does her best to ignore the flutter of excitement. Yet, her mind is still questioning the action, wondering if she still feels a connection with Naveen through Emma. She always hates thinking like that though, so she stops and really assesses the two.

Naveen was a bookworm, much like herself and Emma is the complete opposite, in love with nature and movies. Naveen hardly ever watched movies and he certainly wasn't the type to spend the afternoon simply sitting beneath an apple tree. She does find it rather odd that they both think she's funny, but that little detail is so minor, she skips right over it.

She nibbles on her bottom lip, her phone loosely resting in her hand and decides in that moment, Naveen and Emma have two very different personalities. They are not the same person whatsoever and she enjoys Emma's company; the woman that always inspires her frown to morph into a smile, the woman who challenges her to open up and be herself, the woman who is proving day after day what a great friend she truly is.

"I will see you tonight," Regina quickly types before she sets her phone down and heads to the shower to get ready for her evening.


End file.
